Beautiful words can KILL YOU!

As I sit here and wonder. My mind
and heart go into bliss right before
they hit rock bottom. I wonder about
you everyday. If I'm going to see you
and will you text me or will you call
me. But who am I kidding? I guess only
myself! You asked so many questions and
I answered them but you didn't put my
answers to use. Now I wonder what was the
point of that night. That one summer night
that changed everything? You should have just
told me your wrong doings but never your
feelings. They did something to me. They
made me fly but cut my pretty wings
all at the same time. How does that happen?
How can words, beautiful words, make you
fly and crash all at the same time?
You see that's the thing about words, they
can mislead you. They can hurt you. They
can confuse you. But beautiful words?
Beautiful words can KILL YOU! Though
I've always said actions speak louder
than words, sometimes words can leave
endless echoes that repeat themselves
over and over again. Potentially driving
you to insanity. I sit here and wait for
your actions to speak but your words are
far louder than anything you are doing.
I guess it's time to plug my ears, to become
deaf. I won't hear your beautiful words
anymore. I will only be able to see your
actions. No actions, no progress, no me,
no us....



xSigned___JNF. ♥

T H O U G H T S.

move on...
stay...
let go...
happiness...
confused...
campus life...
smiles...
joy...
your touch...
your smile...
your kisses...
hard work...
spanish...
dorm...
books...
money....
you...
us...
activities...
gym...
running...
sore...
girlfrans...
joan...
momma...
love...



xSigned___JNF. ♥

Run.

Who was I kidding?! Why did I even have the
slightest idea that things were going to be
different. That you would change. That you
were actually, this time around, going to
be a friend; a REAL friend? I truly thank God
for giving me the strength to forgive you, but
I believe I should have been weak and immature
and not even have had the thought of forgiving you
running through my mind. But I did. I was strong.
I was freed. I was at peace and I forgave you.
You cried, crocodile tears, but you cried. That
night you appeared to be a man, a real man but
here we are back to square three. Back to you
being the same person. Back to your lies. & here
goes my heart getting confused, not knowing what
beat to follow. I guess when someone admits to
being ugly in the inside you should run, but
here I am standing here waiting for a miracle.
Waiting for something that obviously will never
happen. Waiting for some kind of sign. Here
goes my heart back to being in solace. You took
me so high only to drop me from the very top.
Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I let this happen.
Maybe I should just blame myself. My heart tells
me one thing but my mind is telling me another.
Do I listen to something that for the past 3
years has ferociously felt the need to direct
me to loving you? Or should I listen to
something that for the past year has told me
let go? I guess I should have ran that one day.
But I'm still standing here with arms wide open
waiting for the day that you either run into
them or they just get tired....I hope you
choose to run into them, it'll be tragic if
you don't.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

P.S Hey guys by the way 1st week of classes
are going great :) & I've been doing so much
& catching up with familiar faces also
meeting some unfamiliar ones! Much love to
you all; Keep reading! :D Kisses and hugs!

Summer 2010. (2)

SO my summer has come to an end! My dear summer.
The one where so many magical things happened
in. Now I sit here packing my room up to go off
to college for what is going to be a very
interesting semester. Overall I loved this
summer, how it started, ended, and everything
else in between. Farewell, summer 2010 and
HELLOOOOO Fall 2010. :)

Catch me later guys, love you all.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Renewed.

Last night was an eventful night. Filled with
answered prayers. Filled with forgiveness. Filled
with realness and straight up truth. No matter
how angry I should be at the moment I am not.
I am the most peaceful person on earth at the
moment. I love to the extreme what last night
did to me. It changed me. I was able to forgive
a person that had done so much wrong to me because
there was regret, remorse, and realness on his part.
He freed me completely. I am not broken anymore.
I can sit here and admire my scars. I can touch
them and feel them and smile at them. I can
whisper to myself that it's finally over. That
I don't have to wonder or cry anymore. That it's
okay to stop being bitter and angry and forlorn
and confused. It's okay to sing to the world. It's
okay to boast my happiness. I am so glad I was
able to accept last night like a mature adult.
I just wish everyone would go through what I
am going through at the moment. I would love for
everyone to feel my happiness and my peacefulness.
It was a long road filled with so many things
but I have reached the end to only start a whole
new chapter of my life. I am renewed.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Summer 2010.

It's funny how one summer can change everything. It must be
something about the heat and the smell of chlorine, fresh cut
grass and honeysuckle, asphalt sizzling after late-day thunderstorms,
the steam rising while everything drips around it. Something about
long, lazy days and whirring air conditioners and bright plastic
flip flops from the drugstore thwacking down the street. Something
about fall being so close, another year, another Christmas, another
beginning. So much in one summer, stirring up like the storms that
crest at the end of each day, blowing out all the heat and dirt to
leave everything gasping and cool. Everyone can reach back to one
summer and lay a finger to it, finding that exact point when
everything changed.
-Sarah Dessen, That Summer

When I read this my whole summer flashed through my eyes. All the
good things that happened, all of the bad things that happened.
All of the new people I met and made memories with. All of my old
friends I got to hang out with and made new memories with. All of
the tears I cried. All of the smiles I cracked. All of the restless
nights. All of those shorts and hoodies nights. All of the bathing
suits I wore. All of the beaches and pools I went to. All of the
bbq's I enjoyed. All of the money I spent recklessly. All of the
pictures I took and didn't take. All of the adventures I encountered.
I wouldn't trade this summer for the world! And as it is coming to a
close I would love to thank God for absolutely everything that has
happened this summer. Summer 2010, you'll forever be my favorite
memory. ♥


xSigned___JNF. ♥

There once lived a prince & a princess.

I've been hurt many a times, my heart is in solace.
It cries independently. It yearns everyday.
I want to love again with all of my might but
I fear that there will never be no one that will
have the strength to love me for me, understand me for me,
take me for me. You see I am jagged, some of my pieces are
missing. Nevertheless I still have faith that one day someone
will understand, not fully but somewhat, my nature. My deep,
loving, nature. Maybe there's a man out there that is as jagged
and as broken as I am in all of the right places fully ready
to put his pieces and my pieces together to make the perfect
imperfect picture.


xSigned___JNF. ♥