Happy mothers day!

It's mother's day today and besides appreciating my mom everyday of my life, today just further exemplifies how truly thankful I am of her. My mother is my confident, my pick-me-upper, my reality check, my guidance, my inspiration, my right when everything is wrong, my beauty guru, my comfort, my rocking chair, my sweet lullaby. She's everything I need and much more than I deserve. I just hope that one day in the future I can be all that she was to me to my very own daughter.

I hope that I can be her motivation, like my mother is to me.
I hope that I can be her reason to succeed, like my mother is to me.
I hope that I can be her conscious to do the right things, like my mother is to me.
I hope she looks up to me, like I look up to my mother.
I hope she can come to me for anything, like I do to my mother.
I hope she can curl up in my lap no matter her age, like I still do with my mother.
I hope I can be the very best mother she needs, like my mother will always be to me.

Happy mothers day to all those beautiful women out there that we call mom, no matter our age!

Momma, loving you is like food to my soul!

xSigned___JNF ♥

Aching heart.

I'm ambitious, stubborn.
When something is stuck in my head I chase it away by chasing after what's invading my thoughts. No matter what it is.
Life hasn't been easy lately but when is life ever easy.
I should be so happy of my many accomplishments so far.
I've come such a long way, such a long long long way.
Unfortunately some sort of empathetic feeling is overwhelming me.
There's some sort of sorrow invading my soul.
I've been trying really hard to rid myself of it.
However, it's always like Jamie to mask her emotions.
But this time is different I've been talking about it and using healthy techniques to shake this.

I can write about anything, whatever.
A color, an animal, a song, a tree, for Christ sake even a wall.
But for some reason everytime I try to write about what's going on with me
I can't, I won't let myself.
I've been asking myself why do I feel the way I do but not even the deepest part of my soul
Is protruding an answer.
Maybe the feeling will leave on its own if I don't pay it much mind or maybe not.
Whatever the case I just hope I am able to deal with the outcome.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

A brand new love.

I threaded along a rocky road.
Full of disappointment.
Full of tears.
Full of sorrow.
Every time I told myself, "This one is the one".
& every time I was wrong.
Every time my heart would be completely
Obliterated by the person whom I
Trusted, whom I loved, whom I
Opened myself up to fully.

However, I had no clue that I had secret angels.
Secret angels that rooted for my well-being.
That wished upon me nothing but happiness.
These secret angels who so beautifully pushed me
Into contentment along with my favorite man, God.

It happened when I least expected it.
It came one day in the form of friendship.
It wrapped me up in its formidable arms &
It seems to not want to let me go.
It seems to be telling me that here in its arms
It will protect me, that I can trust it, that I can be
All I want to be. That I don't have to be perfect because
I am perfect just the way I am.

A new life, a new day, a brand new love.

My happy ending to be continued.....<3

Take me as I am or watch me as I go.

I am a strong, difficult, loving, emotional, cold, impulsive, sweet, understanding, warm, strong-headed woman. That I can't change. That is me in a nut-shell. That will always be me.

I am in a relationship. A beautiful relationship. (Surprise, surprise! :D) However, this doesn't mean that I HAVE to change who I am. Are there compromises? Of course!

Now I'm writing this because someone dear & close to me said the following: "I'm happy for you, I just don't want you to change." Let's clear something up, the only thing a man would EVER be able to change about ME is my last name. (Yea I said it!)

I proceeded to tell this person that just because I was in a relationship it didn't mean that I was going to change my demeanor. I'm perceived as the independent woman that isn't willing to take shit from a man by my girlfriends and now that I'm in a relationship they feel as if that's going to change. I can assure you, whomever you are that is reading this, that that will not be. I will always stand for my rights, whether I am in a relationship or not. & if a relationship is making you second think that then you are in the wrong relationship. I will always be the woman that I was made to be. I will always be the woman life has molded me to be. I will always stay true to myself and my beliefs and NO relationship, no matter how beautiful it is, is going to change me. Whether this belief system offends you or not is none of my business. I just want to make it clear that I'll always be the woman to set my foot down when something isn't right. I'll always be the woman to speak-up when I feel something isn't right, that'll never change.

XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

I want someone, all of someone, forever.

Do you know that first infatuation you have with some one?
When you can never get enough of them?
When all you want to do is be with them at all times even if you're doing nothing?
Do you think it is possible for this feeling to last forever?

I know no couple or no 2 people are perfect and arguments happen and misunderstandings happen and LIFE happens.
But, for example, I'll tell you about my parents.
They've been married for 30 years and they are completely and madly in love.
My dad left the country for 2 weeks 3 weeks ago & my parents were acting like they had never been separated a day in their life.
When my dad came back it was so beautiful to see how in synch they still were after so many years and after having 3 kids.

I want this.
I want to fight and argue and still love my significant other no less.
I want to be as infatuated with this person as the first day.
I want to leave the country for 2 weeks only to come back & feel like I had never left.
I want to be madly in love all the time, no matter what & I want my significant other to feel the same way.
I want to be crazy about someone every waking day of my life & I want someone to be crazy about me.
I want to love and be in love and most importantly I want to be loved back.
I want a person that can love even the dirtiest corners of my soul because I know I can reciprocate this.
I want a person that is strong enough to face me when I'm raging yet gentle enough to know when to hold me when I'm weak.
I want to be married for 30 years and act like a school-child when my husband leaves the country.
I want someone, all of someone, forever.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Ugly things.

My blog is not only for beautiful things. It is also for ugly things. I had refrained from writing about "ugly" things for such a long time, but I am human. Therefore, sometimes ugly things happen. Sometimes I feel ugly things. However, I know my ugliness, I've seen it so I am allowed to share it with you.

If I were to tell you that right now, at this exact moment in time, while sitting here at work, I am happy; I would be called a liar. Am I content with certain aspects of my life, sure I am. Am I happy at this point in time, not particularly. You know that famous saying that goes "Things happen for a reason"? Well I'm trying to figure out the reasons as to why this weekend so many things happened to me. From upsetting my best friend and having my actions make her act in a way I had never seen to getting into a nasty car accident. Life has it's twists and turns I know that but as a human I can't help but think why me? I am completely exhausted, mentally, emotionally, VERBALLY, physically; every way possible. Anyone may look at me and want my life but it takes more than looking to make such decision.

You may read this and think "well atleast you're alive" & you're absolutely, completely, correctly, perfectly CORRECT! (Sorry had to get my point across!) & I am so THANKFUL for being alive and being able to go about my everyday life. Everyday I am thankful, for just seeing a new day. I know life isn't perfect & I know that many things can happen. Heck, I may not even wake up tomorrow but this is my blog & I am human & I sometimes feel ugly things.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

I am.

I am strong. I've gone through hell and back and kept walking. I know my weaknesses.

I am worthy. It took me a long time to believe that. I've felt my unworthiness.

I am beautiful. & NO ONE needs to convince me of that anymore. I've seen my ugliness.

I am imperfect. I know perfection isn't what it's cracked up to be. I've got scars & I rock them.

I am ME. I thought I was lost & alone, but now I realize that I was always with me.

XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥