Feed your soul but starve your wallet.

I have a soul sister.
Her soul and my soul align perfectly together.
We usually discuss politics, life, books, Jesus, love, money, business, and world news.
When my soul aches her soul aches as well and vise versa.

Last night we were talking about our lives and how unbelievably frustrating they have been lately.
You see we are two young adults trying to make it in this life.
We want happiness, prosperity, health, love & success; via our own definition of course.
The problem is sometimes we may need the help of others to achieve this and sometimes those others may not be so willing to help.

I live in a city where young adults are clawing at their very own selves to try and make a living.
No one understands the struggle of living in a poverty stricken city like young adults trying to make a living.
I truly dislike telling myself that I hate where I live but sometimes I do.
Everyone asks for experience on your resume but no one is willing to help you get it or better yet allow you to do so.
Trust me if experience were something I could buy I would do so in a heartbeat.

Everyone in this city lives with a stick up their ass.
Mad at the world because this city is "oh so bad".
When in turn they are the only ones making this city the way it is.

None wants to give young adults a chance because they stereotype us all.
They say that we are lazy, spoiled, entitled and not willing to work for what we want.
It's beyond overwhelming and frustrating.

I love this place.
It has so much potential and livelihood but no one seems to care about it.
And that's where the problem lies...
Everyone scrambling to make a living. To pay the bills, the school loans, car payments, mortgages yet there are but so many jobs and new ones aren't being created.

So that leaves us, the young adults, with nothing but empty hands and empty dreams.
They feed your soul but starve your wallet.



xoxo, J.

Oh hey... *insert nervous smile here*

I know I know... Same sob story.. Same excuses. Let me reintroduce myself! Hi I'm Jamie and I had amnesia for quite some time but now I've recuperated so I'm back...

Anyways... Where do I begin? At the beginning right? I wish it were that easy.. My life has been a magical array of blessings lately. Some hidden and some in plain sight and I couldn't be more thankful for both of them. I've been keeping myself grounded and guarded to say the least because life has a way of bringing reality barging through your door and have it sit right at your couch. I don't like unwanted visitors, specially those that sit on my couch without permission!

So where to go with this post? I thought I had my thoughts.. Oh who am I kidding? Life also has a way of shaking you up, of testing you. & the universe has been putting my faith to the test fo' sure!! I don't know if to cry or be angry but I'm holding strong to my roots, to my faith & to my Christianity because there's always something beautiful in something dark. I will not be shaken! (Repeat after me)

Again thanks for attempting to read my rambled thoughts.

I love you.
Jamie F.

The grass in only greener where you water it.

Last month I had a dream...
It was one of the most beautiful yet most scary dream I've ever had. It taught me a valuable lesson. That even if things may appear broken on the outside (and even on the inside) behind those two close doors you think you may be standing idly in front of on the other side of them things are mending beautifully and cautiously just for you; so that they are able to uniquely fit you.

Never give up.

XOXO,
Jamie F.

Homage to the good men.

Oh hey look I'm back...

The Jamie from 2010 would have never written what I'm about to write.
For the longest time I never understood the infatuation of certain women and wanting to always have a man by their side. I never understood why they needed to feel loved by a man 24/7. Now I get it.

I now understand this need that we as women have to find the perfect man, in our eyes of course. This year has proved to be long and hard and while I know I could have gotten through it without the special man in my life it was that much easier and rewarding with him.

Now hear me out don't go all feminist on me. I am not saying to go out there and the first man you see out in the street to go and snatch him up and ask him to help you get through stuff. However what I am telling you is to go out there and find the man that will love you unconditionally, the man that will cater to you, help you grow, set you in line when need be, give you advice, indulge in your flaws, journey with you, pray with you, celebrate with you, push you, feed you (in every aspect! I mean who doesn't love food right?!), and most importantly go through everyday life with you thanking God for a new day to make things right.

I am so blessed to have the special man I have in my life. He is literally what I have waited for my whole life. He is the man I plan to marry and have kids with, travel the world with and grow old with. He is my best friend, lover and soulmate all in one. I could never, in my whole entire life, thank God enough for placing him in my life 7 years ago. With every passing day he helps me grow into a better woman, the woman he needs. It gets hard at times because we are so different from each other but I wouldn't want it any other way.

It is so rewarding to be in a relationship where you are constantly growing together and I'm so proud to be in such relationship. To all the women that have fought to have their need to be with a good man understood, thank you. Thank you for helping me understand this need. Thank you for allowing me enough insight into what it could really be like to be in a relationship with a man that truly cares and loves you.

Again, thank you for listening.
I love you!
Jamie F.

Like a Phoenix..

Hi! (Nervously wave while trying to dust the cobwebs off my keyboard) I've been gone for far too long and for no good reason at all. There's never a good reason for me to be away from my first true love this long, ever. But like all things once I stray from my passions because of everyday life I always find my way back.

So here I am...

I would give you the super long story which is filled with sorrow, tears, stress, misfortune and yada yada but I rather not. So I'm going to give you the uplifting and liberating version of it.

This year has been long and tiring filled with all of the above yet it has been rewarding and life changing. It consisted of so much personal, spiritual and emotional growth that if i grow in those aspects anymore I swear I will burst into flames, simmer down into ashes and be born again just like a Phoenix.

That's how I feel. That's how this whole year has felt. Out of my misfortune I found growth and freedom. Out of my tears I found strength and joy. Out of my strife I found change. It has been a whirlwind of things but I couldn't have gotten through it without God and my amazing support system. Those are the two most important things in my life and after all I've been through I am so much more grateful for then existing in my life.

I used to take them for granted so much, always telling myself they would always be there. Which don't get me wrong they will but with that comes a sense of ungratefulness. I didn't want that for my life anymore and I felt I had to change before it was too late so I did. Life is so much more rewarding when you realize the true value of something.

So to the real lowdown to things...

I found a job! Yes I did after searching high and low.
No it's not a big time corporate job. Yes it is a job at a restaurant.
Wait before you go and judge me hear me out. It has been a rewarding opportunity. God never fails to amaze me. I have met some amazing people and some people that have tested my character to say the least. It's been an experience that I will very much share with my kids and grandkids. It's so amazing to learn new things and I never envisioned myself working at a restaurant, specially after college. However, here I am making the best of it day by day.

I have also put YouTube on hold. I just didn't want to be debby downer while filming. And plus I just wanted to be in a much better state of mind. Anyways I have a renewed sense of self and life and I feel much better about taking life as it comes, one day at a time.

I'm sorry for being gone for so long.
Thank you for listening.
I love you.
Jamie F.

For those dark days.

Life is extremely hard nowadays. Some people get caught up with the usual rat race and others get lost in it. Those who get lost begin a spiral downfall and end up in a dark abyss filled with depression and suicidal thoughts. This is the beginning of emotional, mental, physical and spiritual confinement.

This year has been the hardest year of my 23 years of existence and let me tell you I've had some shitty years under my belt. However, nothing compares to this one. Before my last post I was a walking corpse and since then I've been shedding my zombie like skin for a newer one for various reasons. I used to find myself in a daze, mad at the world & angry that God would allow me to go through all the things I was and still am going through. How childish of me! I knew better, I've always known better. Nonetheless, shitty year and all, I never once thought of taking my life or I never thought of not being amongst the "people of the world".

Suicide is a hard topic for anyone, some have attempted it and others don't quite understand where it stems from. I can say I'm in the middle of this spectrum. I always fell short from suicidal anything because I never allowed myself to get to that point but I can also say that I have an extensive idea of where it may stem from. Having this mentality is not easy and it comes with hard work. Don't get me wrong I'm not as disciplined as I may come across. I slip up sometimes. I stay in bed the whole day during these times, I think negatively, I withdraw myself from those I love most, I blame, I get angry, I cry; yes I do all of those things but soon thereafter I remind myself of all of my blessings. It's sort of my secret picker upper. I also compiled a list of the things I do to help me feel better during these dark times in my life. I hope it helps you as much as it helps me.

•Talk to someone you trust. Just let it out. You will soon come to find out that there are people that actually care and love you. If you don't want to talk to anyone just write it down. Writing comes naturally to me so it's my way of destressing even if I don't post it on my blog. I have also found a new love called meditating, where I clear my head of all things negative.

•Reevaluate your life. Sit down and see why you're going down the path you're headed. Straying from your path isn't a sin just an indication that you need some guidance. Write down all the negative things in your life.

•After writing dowm the negative things, write down positive things about yourself and your life. The smallest things always make me feel better like a roof over my head, hot water, food, a bed, clothes, shoes, etc. you will grow so much love for the small things if you just remind yourself of the blessing that they truly are.

•Go out and do something for someone. Volunteer at a local shelter or a local church. Clearing your head of negative thoughts by making someone else feel better will ultimately make you feel great.

•Pray, with all your might. Go to a quiet room and ask for guidance, strength, peace and clarity. If you don't believe in God or you don't pray ask someone to pray with you or for you. You can even ask me, I will do it gladly.

•Most importantly be true to yourself and your feelings. If you're angry be angry. If you're sad be sad. If you want to cry go ahead and do that but don't live in those feelings. Don't unpack your bags and stay there. That's the worst thing you could do to yourself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I know everyone copes differently in different situations and I'm not saying this will cure depression or suicidal thoughts but if you would just make the effort things can purely turn around for you for the better. Life is not a race. Don't rush to grow up. Practice clean and healthy mental and emotional eating everyday of your life. If you're in trouble seek help, pray, & communicate. You're destined for a beautiful life, I know it!

I love you!
Jamie F.

For more inspiration throughout your day go over to Instagram and follow @official_wordstoliveby!

Shattered butterfly.

If I would have blogged every single day since the last day I blogged you wouldn't even understand how I survived until today..

From January 1st, 2013 up until today I have lived nothing but the worst days of my life. It all started with what I thought was the perfect opportunity to start my career but ended up being a demeaning job. So I did what any normal person would do.. I quit. Its been 4 months and since then I've been flooded with debt and worries. I know what you're thinking... "Well why the heck haven't you looked for a new job?!" Oh but I have my friend and I have been on countless interviews and there is always someone "a little more experienced" than me. I even took it upon myself to go to a temp agency, where they find you temporary jobs... You see how that has worked for me. Employers trying to pay $11/hr or even worse minimum wage to someone that has a degree isn't flying by me but I guess beggars can't be choosers right?! Every morning I wake up and check my emails in the hope that an employer is trying to offer me an opportunity because that's all I want, an opportunity, yet I get the same damn emails telling me the jobs I have applied for are still hiring. If only you could feel my frustration. I have found my soul in the brink of extinction lately yet here I am still standing. I wake up every morning and look forward to nothing yet I still thank the one above for another day of life. My soul is conflicted and filled with heaviness. I can't say there hasn't been good days because there has. There has been days where my soul is filled with some much hope and happiness but then it's like out of nowhere it remembers my reality. This year has been filled with tears and sorrow yet in the midst of it all I have found, over and over again, my true being. Though I sit in the midst of bills and playing this rat race my faith hasn't faltered. I never lay my head down thinking that this will forever be my reality. I have my boyfriend to partially thank for that... If he weren't by my side life would just be different. If I have to remember 2013 for something it would be for growing. Growing up, growing out, and growing within. So many more things have happened to me this year, including the above, that it is impossible to not grow in various ways.

I will continue to trek this road that has been unfolded before me maybe by my own doing or even on purpose. Maybe it's meant for me to find my purpose in life, my true calling. Maybe it's just to cleanse my soul and life. Maybe even to strengthen me or maybe all of the above. Whatever the purpose I shall keep walking, lost but with some sense of direction.

"A beautiful life does not just happen. It is built daily by prayer, humility, sacrifice and love. May that beautiful life be yours always."

XO friends.