Sunday, June 10, 2012

Flaws and all.

"I want you
with all the cracks
And all the stories
You have collected
And I want to hear
Them all
And kiss you
Just the way I
Kissed you before I
Heard them when you
Were pure in my eyes.

But what's purity anyways?
Some bullshit concept to keep
The guilt alive.
You are not your past
You are the woman
Who climbed those walls
And jumped over them
To where we met
We met on the other side."

I pondered upon this quote yesterday & I keep re-reading it over and over and over again. For some reason it reminded me of something, someone and up until right now I've figured it out. I figured it was me.
There's a background voice, my boyfriends voice. The man who so beautifully loves my flaws, my BIG flaws patiently. Sometimes I think about it and I shudder to think that maybe one day my flaws will drive us apart, its scary.
God sends us these magnificent people and we thank Him but at the same time wonder what have done to deserve such wonderful people. I have some great people in my life and Lord knows that sometimes I have to laugh at myself because I truly don't know how they keep up with me because I can barely keep up with myself at times.

Anyways the point of this blog was the quote but you know me I blab away regardless!
Till the next time dolls!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Friend or foe.

The most treasured people in this world are the people you love the most but there's something dark about them.
There is this unknown force within them that keeps you by their side. 
Trust me I know.
See, the saying "the people you love the most are the ones that hurt you the most " is absolutely true and I came to that full conclusion last week.

I love the people I love powerfully, sometimes darkly; if you know what I mean.
I can't deny this.
The past couple of weeks I dealt with a loved one that truly tested my love for her in every aspect of the word.
I wanted to push her in front of a bus but I knew 1 second before the bus hit her I would be risking my life to save her.
I wanted to throw her off a building but I knew 1 second before she hit the ground I would be there to catch her.
I wanted to get a hold of her and yell and scream for what she had done to my feelings the last couple of weeks but I knew 1 second after I would have hung up from anger I would have called her back and apologized.

The thing about relationships that Mastin (I'll tell you about him later!) has taught me is that if you don't give people the space to have a meltdown then that relationship isn't really a safe one to be in. It truly isn't realistic to always expect someone to be perfect, though don't get me wrong I wasn't expecting her to be perfect. I was expecting her to be human and at least give me some insight into what she was feeling. Yet again that's what we as humans do we hurt the ones we love the most. We close down when we need someone most. Instead of speaking we keep quiet. Instead of asking for help we make our problems more of a mess.

Last week after 2 full weeks of trying to reach her, trying to console her, trying to see if she needed my help with anything and getting nothing in return she finally managed to get a hold of me and apologize. I'm glad Mastin was able to reach me first and give me a daily download.

Are you safe enough in your relationships to have a melt-down?

xSigned___JNF.   ♥