Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Love of my life.

You know what bothers me more than anything in this world? You don't? Well I'll tell you. It's a person that is not self assured. YOU implies ONE person not 3 or 4 or even 2 like many of you think. If you can't be alone with yourself, there's a problem. If you can't be detached and still be happy, there's a problem. If you can't please yourself in every aspect of life, there's a problem. There is nothing more unattractive than a person that's ALWAYS talking about "ohhh I need a boyfriend/girlfriend" what you NEED is a REALITY check. Shut your ass up and look at yourself in the mirror and repeat after me: "I am worthy. I am the love of my life. If I can't love myself no one ever will" OVER & OVER & OVER & OVER & OVER again! Until you can't anymore! Life is so short, so unpredictable & trust me the last thing you want to do is waste it away dreaming about what it could be like.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, February 27, 2012

For most of life...

"For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness."
-Andy Rooney

You know the drill ♥


Monday, February 20, 2012

Believe. Stand Up. Keep Walking.

"I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. "I know what it's like to see something funny and not laugh." I've been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded. But I still believe that all people are good at heart and my trust in people has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever."

You may remember this from the very first post I posted on my blog. Today that is exactly how I feel. There is this ongoing situation in my life that is currently happening and even though I've tried to be as humble as possible about it, I don't really think I can anymore. When I love, I love with passion, with commitment, with desire, with everything that is within me. Isn't that how you are suppose to love? What kills me the most about the entire situation is that no one has asked me how I feel about it. How it has affected me and my point of view. I would say fuck it, but that would be my pride talking and I've tried to refrain from that. But how can you be professional if you're getting weird stares, you're getting whispered behind your back, you're blatantly getting talked about? I know with my whole heart that what I did, which was stand up for my beliefs, wasn't out of my character. & standing up for what I believe in will never be a regret. What will be a regret is the fact that I spent so much time, effort, commitment, money and love on something that reaped nothing but undesirability, unwantedness, anger, stress, unfaithfulness, and many other things. What I'm trying to get to is that besides all of these negative things deep within me I will never forget how much drive, passion, commitment and love I had for this. Ever.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's day 2012.

"At any moment, Love could walk into your life and change it forever." - Mastin K.

It's Valentine's day! The day filled with mushy cards, lots of flowers, chocolate, balloons, BIG gifts, BIG love. If you are attached you rejoice. THEN there are some of you that are single and you go about hating everything and eveyrone on Valentine's day. GET YOURSELF A DAMN HOBBY! I would usually say to those that are single and moping to "love yourself", to "look on the positive side of things", etc etc but not today! Ever since last night the social media websites have been flooded with wonderful Valentine's day messages, for those who are in love and for those who are BITTER about love. All I have to say is that "You will NEVER attract your new love still being bitter about your old love." Get a grip on yourself! XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, February 13, 2012

Even if it kills you.

the only way to realize how unhappy you are
is to leave the things you think you want behind
(even if it kills you)
because if you can't be happy alone
you're not happy.

and there is no greater thrill
than being happy
and alone.
" - Unknown

If you cant complete yourself, no one will ever be able to add to you.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Free your bliss.

"Right now you might not feel the best you've ever felt, you might feel that things will never get better. But don't give up. Tomorrow you might see something wonderful. The thing you're worrying about may be resolved. You might have a good day tomorrow, you may smile. In a few years time the things that are making you feel like this will be forgotten about." - Unknown

I read this and I cried. I made a decision that deep down makes me entirely melancholy but it was for the best. May your days be filled with happiness. XO.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Sunday, February 12, 2012

You can have this.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life." — Bob Marley

There's a kind of love that makes you feel like anything is possible. I want you to know that you can have that.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Letter to a Friend.

I love this, I hope you love it too.

"For the aim of all actions is to avoid pain and fear; and when this is once secured for us the tempest of the soul is entirely quelled, since the living animal no longer needs to wander as though in search of something he lacks, hunting for that by which he can fulfill some need of body and soul. We feel a need of pleasure only when we grieve over its absence; when we stop grieving we are in need of pleasure no longer. Pleasure, then, is the beginning and end of the blessed life. For we recognize it as a good by which is both primary and kindred to us. From pleasure we begin every act of choice and avoidance; and to pleasure we return again, using the feeling as the standard by which to judge every good...” – Epicurus, Letter to a Friend.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Worst kind of remembering.

My integrity was questioned last night. 
My commitment.
My passion.
My time.
My effort.
My money.

I was highly offended.

Sometimes the things we think we are passionate about, during the process of being so passionate about them, we may not see the things that may not make us so passionate about them any more. We may not see the people that make it not so attractive. We don't see the things that are so loudly warning us that maybe, just maybe this is not for you. We so blindly go about things not seeing that there are many things that should be fixed beforehand. This may not kill you but it can hurt you. You  have to carefully choose the things you want to go after because even though these things may not, per say, kill you they may leave wounds. Wounds that leave scars that will remind you everyday of the things you thought were right for you but in reality weren't. That's the worst kind of remembering a human being can endure. The remembrance of an "I told you so..." Now I'm not saying to be an indecisive person for your whole life. I'm not saying sit down with every decision you have to make to carefully overview them. Heck if you want to don't ever overview any of the decisions you want to make! What I am saying is that sometimes there are certain things in our lives that we need more than one opinion on. There are certain things in our lives that we have to talk over more than one time. There are certain things in our lives that we have to consider taking a risk for. I have a decision to go make.. Later dolls! XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Fight or flight.

Sometimes I don't know how to exactly or correctly, per say, express exactly what I feel via my blog. Sometimes I ponder for hours how to write a blog so that I can reach you guys in a way I would like someone to reach me. Sometimes I stare at the blank template for minutes on end. Sometimes I just don't write anything at all until I know exactly what it is that I want to say and how I want to say it.  But here goes everything...

You know that feeling you get when you don't exactly know where you stand with someone? I'm feeling it right now. That feeling where you have one foot in the door and another outside not knowing whether or not you want to enter a room because you don't know if you are an invited or an uninvited guest. That feeling where you don't know how to exactly explain to someone how you feel because you don't want to end up looking like a fool. Then there's that feeling where you want to ask this person if the feeling is mutual but you've concluded in your head that this person doesn't have mutual feelings because they would have said something already and you don't want your feelings to get hurt or you don't want to look desperate. At times you get so close to saying something but you tell yourself you rather not. For various reasons, whether it is that you don't want it ruin the relationship or you're just too scared of the outcome. But this is life and sometimes you have to take a leap of faith to figure out if you know how to fly or if you need to keep learning how to do so. At this point you may be wondering why I'm deviating from where I began (LOL!) but I guess you'll just have to wait and see if I can fly or if I have to keep learning how to do so. 'Till the next time my loves! XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Be open.

Sometimes we get into a relationship and it feels right.
It makes us fantasize about the future, about what it could be.
We start thinking about the long  abiding life we will lead with this certain person.
About how much we love this person.
About how we will live happily ever after with them.  
How this relationship compares to nothing in the world.
& If it were to ever end nothing will ever come close to replacing it.

And then one day it does end and you're devastated.
You're in ruin.
All you've built is gone.
All you've invested is gone.
All you've dreamt about is washed away.
And you're stuck, you have no idea where to go or what to do.
So you continue to live your life as hard as it is.

Then one day someone unexpectedly enters your life and after suffering for such a long time you ask yourself "why not?"
Why not be happy?
Why not allow yourself to feel the way you feel?
Why not welcome someone new into your life?

All I've got to say is that, you never know what's coming to you.
Let your heart be open to new feelings.
Let your mind be open to new ideas.
Let your arms be open to new people.
Let your eyes be open to new sights. 

What's the worse that could happen if the worst has already happened?


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Kiss me.

"It was the kind of kiss I could never tell my friends about out loud. It was the kind of kiss that made me know I was never so happy in my whole life."

I want a kiss like this. Wouldn't it just be beautiful?


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I am a woman of little words, but of many actions.

I know who I am.
I know where I want to head in my life.
I know who I want to be.
I know what I want to do.
I know what type of man I want to marry and how many kids I want to have.
I know where I want to live and how I want to raise a growing family. I know what I dislike.
I know what I enjoy.

Some things people say bother me, with reason.
This is because I know who I am.
Where I want to head.
Who I want to be.
What I want to do.
What type of man I want to marry and how many kids I want to have. Where I want to live and how I want to raise a growing family.
What I dislike.
What I enjoy.

I am socially active in school not because I don't know who I am. Not because I want to become someone.
Not because I feel like it's going to magically turn me into a "person".
Because if that is the case I rather be invisible than someone that I am not.
I am socially active in school because I KNOW who I am and where I want to head and what I want to do with my life.
I am socially active because these things compliment me.
They add life to me.
I am socially active in school because these things feed the hunger that's within me to be a better me.
Are there people who do these things to become someone? Yes, there are plenty.
Are there people who do these things because they don't know who they are? Yes, there are plenty of those too.

I am a woman of little words, but of many actions.


xSigned___JNF. ♥