Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Homage to the good men.

Oh hey look I'm back...

The Jamie from 2010 would have never written what I'm about to write.
For the longest time I never understood the infatuation of certain women and wanting to always have a man by their side. I never understood why they needed to feel loved by a man 24/7. Now I get it.

I now understand this need that we as women have to find the perfect man, in our eyes of course. This year has proved to be long and hard and while I know I could have gotten through it without the special man in my life it was that much easier and rewarding with him.

Now hear me out don't go all feminist on me. I am not saying to go out there and the first man you see out in the street to go and snatch him up and ask him to help you get through stuff. However what I am telling you is to go out there and find the man that will love you unconditionally, the man that will cater to you, help you grow, set you in line when need be, give you advice, indulge in your flaws, journey with you, pray with you, celebrate with you, push you, feed you (in every aspect! I mean who doesn't love food right?!), and most importantly go through everyday life with you thanking God for a new day to make things right.

I am so blessed to have the special man I have in my life. He is literally what I have waited for my whole life. He is the man I plan to marry and have kids with, travel the world with and grow old with. He is my best friend, lover and soulmate all in one. I could never, in my whole entire life, thank God enough for placing him in my life 7 years ago. With every passing day he helps me grow into a better woman, the woman he needs. It gets hard at times because we are so different from each other but I wouldn't want it any other way.

It is so rewarding to be in a relationship where you are constantly growing together and I'm so proud to be in such relationship. To all the women that have fought to have their need to be with a good man understood, thank you. Thank you for helping me understand this need. Thank you for allowing me enough insight into what it could really be like to be in a relationship with a man that truly cares and loves you.

Again, thank you for listening.
I love you!
Jamie F.

Like a Phoenix..

Hi! (Nervously wave while trying to dust the cobwebs off my keyboard) I've been gone for far too long and for no good reason at all. There's never a good reason for me to be away from my first true love this long, ever. But like all things once I stray from my passions because of everyday life I always find my way back.

So here I am...

I would give you the super long story which is filled with sorrow, tears, stress, misfortune and yada yada but I rather not. So I'm going to give you the uplifting and liberating version of it.

This year has been long and tiring filled with all of the above yet it has been rewarding and life changing. It consisted of so much personal, spiritual and emotional growth that if i grow in those aspects anymore I swear I will burst into flames, simmer down into ashes and be born again just like a Phoenix.

That's how I feel. That's how this whole year has felt. Out of my misfortune I found growth and freedom. Out of my tears I found strength and joy. Out of my strife I found change. It has been a whirlwind of things but I couldn't have gotten through it without God and my amazing support system. Those are the two most important things in my life and after all I've been through I am so much more grateful for then existing in my life.

I used to take them for granted so much, always telling myself they would always be there. Which don't get me wrong they will but with that comes a sense of ungratefulness. I didn't want that for my life anymore and I felt I had to change before it was too late so I did. Life is so much more rewarding when you realize the true value of something.

So to the real lowdown to things...

I found a job! Yes I did after searching high and low.
No it's not a big time corporate job. Yes it is a job at a restaurant.
Wait before you go and judge me hear me out. It has been a rewarding opportunity. God never fails to amaze me. I have met some amazing people and some people that have tested my character to say the least. It's been an experience that I will very much share with my kids and grandkids. It's so amazing to learn new things and I never envisioned myself working at a restaurant, specially after college. However, here I am making the best of it day by day.

I have also put YouTube on hold. I just didn't want to be debby downer while filming. And plus I just wanted to be in a much better state of mind. Anyways I have a renewed sense of self and life and I feel much better about taking life as it comes, one day at a time.

I'm sorry for being gone for so long.
Thank you for listening.
I love you.
Jamie F.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

For those dark days.

Life is extremely hard nowadays. Some people get caught up with the usual rat race and others get lost in it. Those who get lost begin a spiral downfall and end up in a dark abyss filled with depression and suicidal thoughts. This is the beginning of emotional, mental, physical and spiritual confinement.

This year has been the hardest year of my 23 years of existence and let me tell you I've had some shitty years under my belt. However, nothing compares to this one. Before my last post I was a walking corpse and since then I've been shedding my zombie like skin for a newer one for various reasons. I used to find myself in a daze, mad at the world & angry that God would allow me to go through all the things I was and still am going through. How childish of me! I knew better, I've always known better. Nonetheless, shitty year and all, I never once thought of taking my life or I never thought of not being amongst the "people of the world".

Suicide is a hard topic for anyone, some have attempted it and others don't quite understand where it stems from. I can say I'm in the middle of this spectrum. I always fell short from suicidal anything because I never allowed myself to get to that point but I can also say that I have an extensive idea of where it may stem from. Having this mentality is not easy and it comes with hard work. Don't get me wrong I'm not as disciplined as I may come across. I slip up sometimes. I stay in bed the whole day during these times, I think negatively, I withdraw myself from those I love most, I blame, I get angry, I cry; yes I do all of those things but soon thereafter I remind myself of all of my blessings. It's sort of my secret picker upper. I also compiled a list of the things I do to help me feel better during these dark times in my life. I hope it helps you as much as it helps me.

•Talk to someone you trust. Just let it out. You will soon come to find out that there are people that actually care and love you. If you don't want to talk to anyone just write it down. Writing comes naturally to me so it's my way of destressing even if I don't post it on my blog. I have also found a new love called meditating, where I clear my head of all things negative.

•Reevaluate your life. Sit down and see why you're going down the path you're headed. Straying from your path isn't a sin just an indication that you need some guidance. Write down all the negative things in your life.

•After writing dowm the negative things, write down positive things about yourself and your life. The smallest things always make me feel better like a roof over my head, hot water, food, a bed, clothes, shoes, etc. you will grow so much love for the small things if you just remind yourself of the blessing that they truly are.

•Go out and do something for someone. Volunteer at a local shelter or a local church. Clearing your head of negative thoughts by making someone else feel better will ultimately make you feel great.

•Pray, with all your might. Go to a quiet room and ask for guidance, strength, peace and clarity. If you don't believe in God or you don't pray ask someone to pray with you or for you. You can even ask me, I will do it gladly.

•Most importantly be true to yourself and your feelings. If you're angry be angry. If you're sad be sad. If you want to cry go ahead and do that but don't live in those feelings. Don't unpack your bags and stay there. That's the worst thing you could do to yourself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I know everyone copes differently in different situations and I'm not saying this will cure depression or suicidal thoughts but if you would just make the effort things can purely turn around for you for the better. Life is not a race. Don't rush to grow up. Practice clean and healthy mental and emotional eating everyday of your life. If you're in trouble seek help, pray, & communicate. You're destined for a beautiful life, I know it!

I love you!
Jamie F.

For more inspiration throughout your day go over to Instagram and follow @official_wordstoliveby!

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Shattered butterfly.

If I would have blogged every single day since the last day I blogged you wouldn't even understand how I survived until today..

From January 1st, 2013 up until today I have lived nothing but the worst days of my life. It all started with what I thought was the perfect opportunity to start my career but ended up being a demeaning job. So I did what any normal person would do.. I quit. Its been 4 months and since then I've been flooded with debt and worries. I know what you're thinking... "Well why the heck haven't you looked for a new job?!" Oh but I have my friend and I have been on countless interviews and there is always someone "a little more experienced" than me. I even took it upon myself to go to a temp agency, where they find you temporary jobs... You see how that has worked for me. Employers trying to pay $11/hr or even worse minimum wage to someone that has a degree isn't flying by me but I guess beggars can't be choosers right?! Every morning I wake up and check my emails in the hope that an employer is trying to offer me an opportunity because that's all I want, an opportunity, yet I get the same damn emails telling me the jobs I have applied for are still hiring. If only you could feel my frustration. I have found my soul in the brink of extinction lately yet here I am still standing. I wake up every morning and look forward to nothing yet I still thank the one above for another day of life. My soul is conflicted and filled with heaviness. I can't say there hasn't been good days because there has. There has been days where my soul is filled with some much hope and happiness but then it's like out of nowhere it remembers my reality. This year has been filled with tears and sorrow yet in the midst of it all I have found, over and over again, my true being. Though I sit in the midst of bills and playing this rat race my faith hasn't faltered. I never lay my head down thinking that this will forever be my reality. I have my boyfriend to partially thank for that... If he weren't by my side life would just be different. If I have to remember 2013 for something it would be for growing. Growing up, growing out, and growing within. So many more things have happened to me this year, including the above, that it is impossible to not grow in various ways.

I will continue to trek this road that has been unfolded before me maybe by my own doing or even on purpose. Maybe it's meant for me to find my purpose in life, my true calling. Maybe it's just to cleanse my soul and life. Maybe even to strengthen me or maybe all of the above. Whatever the purpose I shall keep walking, lost but with some sense of direction.

"A beautiful life does not just happen. It is built daily by prayer, humility, sacrifice and love. May that beautiful life be yours always."

XO friends.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Perfect timing?

When is the perfect moment? When is it exactly right? At what moment do you say okay this is it because this is the most perfect moment?

You know I never understood that concept.. The concept of doing things at the perfect moment. Call me crazy but I think every moment of everyday is the perfect moment. That expensive dress collecting dust in your closet because there are no "special occasions" to wear it too? Hand it over to me because I will wear the life out of it! That perfume you're saving to go on the perfect date? Hand it over to me, it will be gone in less than a week! That matching bra and underwear set you bought saving it for a perfect night? Uhhhhh wait I won't wear this everyday but just know I will wear it more than once!

My point here is to help you understand that there are no perfect moments in the calendar so stop waiting for them. You! You are the dictator of these moments. I read this and shortly after finishing burst into tears...

"She was having the worst year of her life and I knew this because she was my girlfriend. She had lost her dream job over something minor, a close relative had died, her childhood pet had also died and she had no luck finding something to do she loved. After months upon months of searching she still had no luck. Her faith had diminished, even if it was a little bit. I still felt it. However I kept pushing her forward. This was the woman I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, though we had only been together for 1 year, I knew this. Everything about her was perfect for me. Before I ever thought about doing this, about proposing, it was just a mere flame but her love had fueled a passion. A passion for a future with her and only her. I didn't plan this because no day is perfect. I didn't sit down and jot ideas. I didn't have a speech handy, nothing. I went to a jewelry store and picked out the ring I knew she would love the most but most importantly a ring that represented our unity and our relationship. I carried this ring in my pocket for days that turned into weeks into months and now into a year. You see I was subconsciously waiting for the perfect day even though I knew deep down there were none. For the day everything got better in her life. A day that the sun was shining and the weather was perfect. I soon came to realize that I would be waiting forever if this was the case. So on a random day, trust me very random, (it was the worst weather ever; It was raining and thundering and windy - her worst nightmare she hates this weather) I wanted Thai food and to our luck we had a really good Thai restaurant about 3 blocks from us. So I asked if she wanted to come with me and she looked at me like I was crazy (you know that look) so I knew that was a no. Fast forward about 30 minutes she walks into my office and asked if I still wanted to go eat so I said yes and on we went into the weather that suddenly had gotten worse. She was frantically walking toward the restaurant and at this point our umbrella was nonexistent and I just dropped to one knee. It was like a magnetic force field, I lie to you not. So she turned around and told me exactly this "really Kevin you couldn't wait to tie your shoe in the restaurant!" And there and then I blurted it out "Priscilla will you marry me?".. The wind got worse, the rain got harder, the thundering got louder and she dropped to her knees with me and said yes. We didn't make it to the restaurant by the way. Instead we went back to my place and made dinner together."

The point of this story? There are no perfect days only perfect moments. I love the fact that Kevin turned Priscilla's worst year into the most beautiful one. He didn't wait for her to have a great year to propose. He proposed in the midst of chaos and troubles. This post isn't about proposing but It's about helping you understand that tomorrow isn't promised and that we have to take the good with the bad. Life throws us so many curve balls that sometimes we don't even know if we should dodge them or not. If you are waiting to do something big in your life or saving something for a special occasion I'm here to tell you not too. Don't wait. Do it tomorrow if you can. Or right now. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.

Peace and love!

Monday, June 24, 2013

One year later...

"I want to fight and argue and still love my significant other no less.
I want to be as infatuated with this person as the first day.
I want to leave the country for 2 weeks only to come back & feel like I had never left.
I want to be madly in love all the time, no matter what & I want my significant other to feel the same way.
I want to be crazy about someone every waking day of my life & I want someone to be crazy about me.
I want to love and be in love and most importantly I want to be loved back.
I want a person that can love even the dirtiest corners of my soul because I know I can reciprocate this.
I want a person that is strong enough to face me when I'm raging yet gentle enough to know when to hold me when I'm weak.
I want to be married for 30 years and act like a school-child when my husband leaves the country.
I want someone, all of someone, forever."

I wrote this exactly 1 year ago 2 days before my new relationship started in my post "I want someone, all of someone, forever!" and 1 year and a couple of months later it is amazing how I feel exactly like this. Now you may say "1 year? That's nothing!" but in one year so many things can happen and transcend. That's exactly what has happened.

We have been in the deepest darkest places of our relationship. We have disagreed. We have cried. We have let the sun go down on our anger (NEVER IN A DISRESPECTFUL manner, we don't call each other ugly names and neither do we even think about physically hurting each other, if that's what you were thinking!) but here we stand stronger than ever, mapping and planning our future together. We have known each other for 6 years and had a very casual friendship when I was in high school and he started college. I used to give him girlfriend advice relating to his then girlfriend and about 1 year of not talking we reconnected and here we are in a beautiful, loving, giving relationship.

6 years ago this man came into my life but little did I know that at the end of those 6 years God was going to completely cross our paths. It's so amazing how life works, when you least expect it you get all that you want and more. He's my best friend. My companion. The only man in my life that willingly takes me higher when I'm already high. He's always ready to trek any road with me, shoes tied and arms wide open. His love soothes any and every wound and no matter how low I am he always manages to bring me back up. He loves me under any condition and at every circumstance, yes even when we argue and disagree! I love him so much and he makes me so proud! I know he will make the best husband and daddy a woman could ever ask for. I always prayed for good love and asked God to send me the man I deserved when I was ready and here he is. In my life, making me the happiest woman alive!

Every woman deserves what I have. An understanding, loving, patient, strong, handsome man but it doesn't come easy. It's lots of hard work, lots of soul searching. You've got to reach rock bottom before finding your true soulmate and EVERYONE knows I did! I had my share of douchebags and it feels so liberating to have a real man in my life! This one is for you baby! I love you more than life.



The little friends I do have I always encourage them. I applaud their achievements and push them to further do more. Why? Because I wouldn't expect less from them. There's someone in my life, in my inner circle to be more exact, that every time I do something that I'm proud of she shuts my feelings down. Even something as little as posting a picture on my Instagram she ALWAYS has a smart remark or something negative to say.

I believe in always rewarding those you love with kind words, gifts of ANY kind, hugs, kisses, LOVE and I do just that because I treat people the way I would like to be treated! But some in my inner circle have fallen short of that and it truly saddens me. I love my life and each day I try hard to make it better than the day before.

I urge you to not be envious of those who seem to be doing better than you, or seem to have a better relationship than you or a better life, PERIOD! You have no idea how hard they worked to be where they are or get what they have. Hard work brings about the most fruitful things. Always remember that you reap what you sow. Don't be so closed minded that you chase away those who love you genuinely. EVERYONE has different opinions and no one sees things through the same spectrum.

And always always ALWAYS remember "If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say it at all!"



Women is always my favorite topic.
Being a woman, acting like a woman, carrying yourself as a woman, speaking like a woman, living like a woman, anything woman you got it I'll speak, read, write, sing, talk, ANYTHING about it!
The topic of womanhood is always a controversial one because people always have differing opinions about it. I love hearing all the different opinions about what does being a woman entail and I've heard it all! From "women should be at home tending to their duties" (ummmmm excuse me?!) to "women are as equal as men and should have equal opportunities" (that's more like it!)

I have my own opinions, like everyone else. I love what it means to be a woman. I love embracing what comes from being a woman but it daunts me that some people don't respect women for who they are and what they have to bring to this world.

I wrote this on my personal Instagram the other day:

"I urge women of all ages to educate themselves. To know that tomorrow is not promised and to engrave that in their hearts because a woman who is educated is admired by all. I urge women of all ages to free themselves of the shackles that past women have tied themselves with, the shackles of fear. Fear that without a man they will be nothing. Fear that their dreams will never come true if they are left to accomplish them alone. Go to school. Get four degrees. Live in India. Eat in Paris. Read books. Learn another language. Be a sponge and most importantly be a queen. A queen that tomorrow could be left with nothing but could still stand for everything."

If you can't help yourself, no one will be able to do so! It shocks me to see females stuck in the "I'm nothing without a man" phase. How do they plan on being in a healthy, wonderful, loving, and strong relationship with that mentality?!

Anyways, until the next time my darlings!


Risen from the dead...?

Wow what a heck of a roller-coaster is has been the past 6 months! (Is that how long I've been gone?) Anyways so much has happened that I don't know where to begin. Post-graduation has proved to not be as euphoric as I thought it would be! I thought I had landed my dream job soon after graduation but a couple of months later proved that I was completely WRONG and shortly after I quit. I was miserable and hated going there every single day after a month of working there. I felt stuck and belittled and finally mustered the courage to just quit graciously. Now I sit at home trying to put all that I feel in a couple of sentences to update my blog (for whomever you are that reads this!!) I have been in the darkest depths of my soul the past couple of months and I have also been in the most beautiful parts but regardless of the emotional ride I have been on I have remained true to myself, my feelings, and those whom I love and love me back equally. Anyways you'll be seeing more of me because I'm jobless and have nothing to do! (I'm trying to be proactive about it but sleeping in, working out, blogging and sunbathing sound better than working!) DON'T JUDGE ME!

Toodles & Summer kisses!