Thursday, December 20, 2012

Class of 2012!

I know I know!!!! *insert long winded explanation here* However my explanation is valid!
It was my last semester in college and as much as I wanted to blog life just wouldn't let me do it!

Anyways here I am a college grad with all of these emotions surging within me. I can't believe four years have passed by so rapidly. All the tears, all the hard work, all the falling down and getting back up, all the allnighters, all of the exams, finals, and so many more things that culminated to me walking across that stage to collect my degree. It felt so good to come out victorious and now here I am laying in bed in the midst of christmas lights and christmas candles with so many plans for my future. That will come into play in the next couple of weeks when I recuperate from these four years in college! (Lol!) Right now what I'm worried about is spending the holidays with all the people whom I love and that's exactly what I've been doing. It feels good to wakeup worry free, not knowing if you're late for class or that an assignment is due tonight and you haven't done it because you had 50 other assignments to do. Don't get me wrong, my undergrad years were the best years of my life. I met some of the most unforgettable people, I learned about myself, about what I was capable of doing and not doing. I learned to sleep less and work more, found a brand new love for coffee and sweats, learned what an allnighter was, and learned what flashcards were! (seriously!!). Overall, I think they passed too fast... Yesterday I was a freshman, today I'm yelling CLASS OF 2012! with 500 other graduates!

Life is good!


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Once a lover, now a COMPLETE stranger.

I've been everywhere!
School started and yeaaaa you know the rest...
I have no excuses only valid reasons ;-)

You might be able to tell what I'm going to blog about by the title of my blog post...

Walking amongst people on campus and I see familiar faces and not so familiar faces.
I acknowledge some, disregard others.
Then there's you.
The person who was once the object of all my blogposts.
The person who was intertwined in between every sentence, every word, every letter, every emotion.
Now there's you.
The you I pass on campus and don't acknowledge.
The you I seldom remember your name.
The you I don't know.
The you that gets blurred in between a group of people.
The you, that on those rare ocassions I do look at, gets unfiltered in my mind.
Single handedly you tried to destroy me but you didn't succeed.
What you did succeed on was on permanently excluding yourself from my thoughts.

I once thought that for some crazy reason I would never get over the guy up there.
You all remember him, every one of my blogposts was about him.
But now I see him on campus and he's like a stranger.
A person I've never met.
It's like inception.
The people you see once in your whole entire life and you never see them again but that night you end up having a dream about them and you wonder where the hell have you seen them.
That's him to me.
A fig of my imagination.
It's like he was a person I saw once and somehow had a dream about him.
Our whole "relationship" a dream, then I woke up and now I see him and wonder "where the hell have I seen him?!"
Someone, once, mentioned him to me and I kid you not I couldn't remember who he was.
The person thought I was joking but I really wasn't.
It didn't bother me that I had forgotten his name but I guess someone felt otherwise.
You may be reading this and think that I'm crazy (not that I care less if you think I am!) & trust me I thought about this before blogging about it but this is my blog and I blog about what I want. (I promise I'm not crazy!)



Tuesday, July 24, 2012

"Oh I just need more."

A good job.
A good life.
Good friends.
A good family.
A strong faith.

Let's say you have all of this and so much more.
Or let's say you don't have it but let's pretend you do.

I've noticed something.
I've noticed that, we as humans, when we get comfortable we want more.

A good paying job, "oh I need a better paying job."
A good significant other, "oh there's just something missing."
A good EVERYTHING, "oh I just need more."

I'm not saying that you should settle for less and nor am I saying that life is perfect but sometimes, just sometimes, we should take some time to appreciate the good things in life AS THEY COME.
What's with the rushing around?
What's with the heavy sighing?
What's with the "needing" more? (side note: there's only one person in this world that knows what we need, therefore this "needing" turns into WANTING!!)

More money.
A faster car.
A bigger house.
A better job.

We want it all in one day without realizing that one day we might have it all or, maybe just maybe, it may all be taken away from us because just as fast as it came it can go away.

Love & summer kisses!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Theres nothing like a GOOD man.

For such a long time I wrote about all the love gone wrong in my life.
Even in the midst of wrong love I knew that one day beautiful love was going to barge into my life, sweep me off my feet, send me hurtling towards the stars, and keep me locked in its formidable embrace for the rest of forever. Yes, I'm that big of a hopeless romantic!

I very much appreciate the man I have by my side. This isn't about boasting, it's about recognizing that good men do exist. It's about being thankful for all the bad love I encountered because my man is unlike any other love I've ever had.
I thank God for him, for this beautiful love, yet I always believe I never thank him enough.
He always ceases to amaze me by loving and respecting me the way he does.
This man elevates me in every sense of the word.
I can't wait to spend the rest of forever with him.
I love you baby! (he reads my blog!!)

xSigned___JNF. ♥

I write.

I write because writing doesn't judge me.
I write because writing waits on me hand and foot.
I write because writing listens intently to what I have to say.
I write because writing reads between the lines.
I write because writing knows what I have to say before I even say it.
I write because it's the only right of passage I have.
I write because my fingers can process my thoughts better than I can.
I write because writing so eloquently establishes what I feel.
I write because if I held it in I would probably go insane.
I write because it heals me.
I write because it soothes me.
I write because it calms me.

Writing wraps me up in such a formidable embrace, one I can't fathom to let go of.
It makes me feel safe, guarded, trusted, HEARD.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

What do you mean "you don't know" ?!

Excuse my hiatus! Life wrapped me up & wouldn't let me go :)
Anyways on to my post!!

You: "Why do you love me?"
Him/Her: "I just can't explain why..."

Or something of that sort..
This is complete & total bullshit & I just realized it right at this instant.
If the person you're with can't tell or explain to you why they love you, simply put, the don't love you or share mutual feelings.
I'll tell you why I feel this way.

When you ask a professional why they love what they do, they tell you.
When you ask a child why they love a certain game, they tell you.
When you ask your mom why she loves a certain dish your grandmother makes, she'll tell you.
If you ask your dad why he loves sports so much, he'll tell you.
If I ask you why your best friend is your best friend, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to tell me.
Trust me I can go on and on and on and on and on and on about this.

In my past relationships every time I was asked this question I had the same answer: "I don't know why I love you *insert cliche quote here*" hence why none of them worked out because that's exactly what was going on. I DID NOT have a clue about why I loved the person I was with.

Today, at this very moment, if you ask me why I love my boyfriend I can give you millions of reasons why I love him without hesitation. Don't ever be deceived by this question! If someone asks you this question & you don't have an answer other than the above or the other way around, some evaluating needs to happen.

'Till the next time dolls! XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Flaws and all.

"I want you
with all the cracks
And all the stories
You have collected
And I want to hear
Them all
And kiss you
Just the way I
Kissed you before I
Heard them when you
Were pure in my eyes.

But what's purity anyways?
Some bullshit concept to keep
The guilt alive.
You are not your past
You are the woman
Who climbed those walls
And jumped over them
To where we met
We met on the other side."

I pondered upon this quote yesterday & I keep re-reading it over and over and over again. For some reason it reminded me of something, someone and up until right now I've figured it out. I figured it was me.
There's a background voice, my boyfriends voice. The man who so beautifully loves my flaws, my BIG flaws patiently. Sometimes I think about it and I shudder to think that maybe one day my flaws will drive us apart, its scary.
God sends us these magnificent people and we thank Him but at the same time wonder what have done to deserve such wonderful people. I have some great people in my life and Lord knows that sometimes I have to laugh at myself because I truly don't know how they keep up with me because I can barely keep up with myself at times.

Anyways the point of this blog was the quote but you know me I blab away regardless!
Till the next time dolls!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Friend or foe.

The most treasured people in this world are the people you love the most but there's something dark about them.
There is this unknown force within them that keeps you by their side. 
Trust me I know.
See, the saying "the people you love the most are the ones that hurt you the most " is absolutely true and I came to that full conclusion last week.

I love the people I love powerfully, sometimes darkly; if you know what I mean.
I can't deny this.
The past couple of weeks I dealt with a loved one that truly tested my love for her in every aspect of the word.
I wanted to push her in front of a bus but I knew 1 second before the bus hit her I would be risking my life to save her.
I wanted to throw her off a building but I knew 1 second before she hit the ground I would be there to catch her.
I wanted to get a hold of her and yell and scream for what she had done to my feelings the last couple of weeks but I knew 1 second after I would have hung up from anger I would have called her back and apologized.

The thing about relationships that Mastin (I'll tell you about him later!) has taught me is that if you don't give people the space to have a meltdown then that relationship isn't really a safe one to be in. It truly isn't realistic to always expect someone to be perfect, though don't get me wrong I wasn't expecting her to be perfect. I was expecting her to be human and at least give me some insight into what she was feeling. Yet again that's what we as humans do we hurt the ones we love the most. We close down when we need someone most. Instead of speaking we keep quiet. Instead of asking for help we make our problems more of a mess.

Last week after 2 full weeks of trying to reach her, trying to console her, trying to see if she needed my help with anything and getting nothing in return she finally managed to get a hold of me and apologize. I'm glad Mastin was able to reach me first and give me a daily download.

Are you safe enough in your relationships to have a melt-down?

xSigned___JNF.   ♥

Friday, May 18, 2012

Dirty fingers.

Days like today make me really wonder the motive
behind some people's actions. They make me wonder
why are there so many miserable people out there that
refuse to let others live their life happily. It is
definitely not my problem that you lead an insignificant
life. & it's definitely not anyone else's problem either.
I truly dislike people like that. So miserable that
they cant stand and see others succeed. They refuse
to let go. That's how I know some people can't sleep
at night. Their dirty conscious doesn't allow them too.
They have to cling and leech off of someone else's emotional
health. Astonishing how a human works.

I can sit here and tell you that I've lied and I've
hurt others but I've also been lied too and hurt. &
those people that have lied to me and that have hurt
me I've never wished upon them any wrong. I am no one
to take revenge upon someone doing me wrong. That's
where God and LIFE come into the picture. I can sit
here and be woman enough and tell you that, yup I've
fucked up, I've probably made more than one person
cry with my actions, I've upset people, I've lied,
I've blantantly disregarded peoples feelings, I've
embellished stories, I've cursed, I've screamed,
I've yelled, I've cried. Yes I have, multiple times.

I can also tell you that I was young.
That I was naive.
That I was trying to be accepted by people who at
the end of the day wouldn't accept me regardless
of the fact. Some people will forever judge you
by your past and that's completely fine.
You let them do that. You also show them that
your past doesn't dictate your future.
I learned to embrace that today. I learned to
also accept it.
However, I'll tell you what I find funny.
The same people pointing fingers and judging
are the ones with the dirtiest past.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The walls have ears too.

I overheard a conversation.
A conversation so intimate not even the walls should have heard it.

Before anything I will start off by saying that the woman I have grown to be, I will always be. I will always be witty and feisty. I will always be a smartass and an asshole at times.
On that note...

I now understand why some women are the way they are.
I now understand why they rather be single & happy, than in a relationship & miserable.
I now understand why some women carry baggage into their new relationship.
I now understand why women fight for other women's rights.
I now understand why some women rather stand as one than as two.

My past has shown me what I do not want in a man or in a relationship.
& though not all men are conniving & cheaters, many of them are.
So I will say one thing, I do not give forty flying hoots that I've been with my husband 40 years, if he cheats he's getting his stepping on.
If you, as a woman, tolerate that once you're telling him that you will forever tolerate it.
Boyfriend, fiance, husband, whatever you want to call him, if he cheats you have him pack his sorry ass bag and show him the door (paper work can be worked out accordingly!).

That's one thing my past has done to me; turn me into a non-bullshitter accepter (is that even a word/phrase?!).
My bullshit acceptance has surpassed its limit & is on overload.
I just refuse to accept it.
You either treat me right or you don't treat me at all.
Those are the rules and will forever remain the rules for as long as I live.

'Till the next time dolls! XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, May 14, 2012

A breathtaking notion.

I am in love with a notion so intricately
and precisely placed in my heart.
I breathe it.
I live it.
I act upon it.

A notion so breathtaking it is like a
hug given so tightly you can barely breath,
yet you wish it would never end.
It is like I have finally found a place into
which I fit perfectly, safely, and securely
with no doubts, fears, sadness, or tears.
This place is filled with happiness and laughter,
yet it is spacious enough to allow me the freedom
to move around, to live my life, and to be myself.
This wonderful place, which I knew existed but never
knew I could actually coexist in, I have found finally
in your arms, in your heart, in your love.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

The right wrong person.

I undeniably fell completely in love with this. Enjoy!

"We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have." - Galway Kinnel

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy mothers day!

It's mother's day today and besides appreciating my mom everyday of my life, today just further exemplifies how truly thankful I am of her. My mother is my confident, my pick-me-upper, my reality check, my guidance, my inspiration, my right when everything is wrong, my beauty guru, my comfort, my rocking chair, my sweet lullaby. She's everything I need and much more than I deserve. I just hope that one day in the future I can be all that she was to me to my very own daughter.

I hope that I can be her motivation, like my mother is to me.
I hope that I can be her reason to succeed, like my mother is to me.
I hope that I can be her conscious to do the right things, like my mother is to me.
I hope she looks up to me, like I look up to my mother.
I hope she can come to me for anything, like I do to my mother.
I hope she can curl up in my lap no matter her age, like I still do with my mother.
I hope I can be the very best mother she needs, like my mother will always be to me.

Happy mothers day to all those beautiful women out there that we call mom, no matter our age!

Momma, loving you is like food to my soul!

xSigned___JNF ♥

Friday, May 11, 2012

Aching heart.

I'm ambitious, stubborn.
When something is stuck in my head I chase it away by chasing after what's invading my thoughts. No matter what it is.
Life hasn't been easy lately but when is life ever easy.
I should be so happy of my many accomplishments so far.
I've come such a long way, such a long long long way.
Unfortunately some sort of empathetic feeling is overwhelming me.
There's some sort of sorrow invading my soul.
I've been trying really hard to rid myself of it.
However, it's always like Jamie to mask her emotions.
But this time is different I've been talking about it and using healthy techniques to shake this.

I can write about anything, whatever.
A color, an animal, a song, a tree, for Christ sake even a wall.
But for some reason everytime I try to write about what's going on with me
I can't, I won't let myself.
I've been asking myself why do I feel the way I do but not even the deepest part of my soul
Is protruding an answer.
Maybe the feeling will leave on its own if I don't pay it much mind or maybe not.
Whatever the case I just hope I am able to deal with the outcome.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, April 30, 2012

A brand new love.

I threaded along a rocky road.
Full of disappointment.
Full of tears.
Full of sorrow.
Every time I told myself, "This one is the one".
& every time I was wrong.
Every time my heart would be completely
Obliterated by the person whom I
Trusted, whom I loved, whom I
Opened myself up to fully.

However, I had no clue that I had secret angels.
Secret angels that rooted for my well-being.
That wished upon me nothing but happiness.
These secret angels who so beautifully pushed me
Into contentment along with my favorite man, God.

It happened when I least expected it.
It came one day in the form of friendship.
It wrapped me up in its formidable arms &
It seems to not want to let me go.
It seems to be telling me that here in its arms
It will protect me, that I can trust it, that I can be
All I want to be. That I don't have to be perfect because
I am perfect just the way I am.

A new life, a new day, a brand new love.

My happy ending to be continued.....<3

Monday, April 16, 2012

Take me as I am or watch me as I go.

I am a strong, difficult, loving, emotional, cold, impulsive, sweet, understanding, warm, strong-headed woman. That I can't change. That is me in a nut-shell. That will always be me.

I am in a relationship. A beautiful relationship. (Surprise, surprise! :D) However, this doesn't mean that I HAVE to change who I am. Are there compromises? Of course!

Now I'm writing this because someone dear & close to me said the following: "I'm happy for you, I just don't want you to change." Let's clear something up, the only thing a man would EVER be able to change about ME is my last name. (Yea I said it!)

I proceeded to tell this person that just because I was in a relationship it didn't mean that I was going to change my demeanor. I'm perceived as the independent woman that isn't willing to take shit from a man by my girlfriends and now that I'm in a relationship they feel as if that's going to change. I can assure you, whomever you are that is reading this, that that will not be. I will always stand for my rights, whether I am in a relationship or not. & if a relationship is making you second think that then you are in the wrong relationship. I will always be the woman that I was made to be. I will always be the woman life has molded me to be. I will always stay true to myself and my beliefs and NO relationship, no matter how beautiful it is, is going to change me. Whether this belief system offends you or not is none of my business. I just want to make it clear that I'll always be the woman to set my foot down when something isn't right. I'll always be the woman to speak-up when I feel something isn't right, that'll never change.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I want someone, all of someone, forever.

Do you know that first infatuation you have with some one?
When you can never get enough of them?
When all you want to do is be with them at all times even if you're doing nothing?
Do you think it is possible for this feeling to last forever?

I know no couple or no 2 people are perfect and arguments happen and misunderstandings happen and LIFE happens.
But, for example, I'll tell you about my parents.
They've been married for 30 years and they are completely and madly in love.
My dad left the country for 2 weeks 3 weeks ago & my parents were acting like they had never been separated a day in their life.
When my dad came back it was so beautiful to see how in synch they still were after so many years and after having 3 kids.

I want this.
I want to fight and argue and still love my significant other no less.
I want to be as infatuated with this person as the first day.
I want to leave the country for 2 weeks only to come back & feel like I had never left.
I want to be madly in love all the time, no matter what & I want my significant other to feel the same way.
I want to be crazy about someone every waking day of my life & I want someone to be crazy about me.
I want to love and be in love and most importantly I want to be loved back.
I want a person that can love even the dirtiest corners of my soul because I know I can reciprocate this.
I want a person that is strong enough to face me when I'm raging yet gentle enough to know when to hold me when I'm weak.
I want to be married for 30 years and act like a school-child when my husband leaves the country.
I want someone, all of someone, forever.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, March 26, 2012

Ugly things.

My blog is not only for beautiful things. It is also for ugly things. I had refrained from writing about "ugly" things for such a long time, but I am human. Therefore, sometimes ugly things happen. Sometimes I feel ugly things. However, I know my ugliness, I've seen it so I am allowed to share it with you.

If I were to tell you that right now, at this exact moment in time, while sitting here at work, I am happy; I would be called a liar. Am I content with certain aspects of my life, sure I am. Am I happy at this point in time, not particularly. You know that famous saying that goes "Things happen for a reason"? Well I'm trying to figure out the reasons as to why this weekend so many things happened to me. From upsetting my best friend and having my actions make her act in a way I had never seen to getting into a nasty car accident. Life has it's twists and turns I know that but as a human I can't help but think why me? I am completely exhausted, mentally, emotionally, VERBALLY, physically; every way possible. Anyone may look at me and want my life but it takes more than looking to make such decision.

You may read this and think "well atleast you're alive" & you're absolutely, completely, correctly, perfectly CORRECT! (Sorry had to get my point across!) & I am so THANKFUL for being alive and being able to go about my everyday life. Everyday I am thankful, for just seeing a new day. I know life isn't perfect & I know that many things can happen. Heck, I may not even wake up tomorrow but this is my blog & I am human & I sometimes feel ugly things.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

I am.

I am strong. I've gone through hell and back and kept walking. I know my weaknesses.

I am worthy. It took me a long time to believe that. I've felt my unworthiness.

I am beautiful. & NO ONE needs to convince me of that anymore. I've seen my ugliness.

I am imperfect. I know perfection isn't what it's cracked up to be. I've got scars & I rock them.

I am ME. I thought I was lost & alone, but now I realize that I was always with me.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, March 19, 2012

I believe one thing.

"I believe one thing.
I believe we should always say 'I love you' to the ones we love.

I believe this wholeheartedly, 'till the end of forever.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Saturday, March 17, 2012


I have refrained from writing about this thousands of times, for various reasons but I can't no longer and plus what would my blog be if I didn't? There's this man in my life that is absolutely wonderful. So genuinely wonderful that not ONCE did I ever question the fact that he was so wonderful. This man makes me glow from the inside out so much that I swear I'm going to turn into a lightbulb one of these days *insert blush here*. One touch and my heartbeat jirates into an endless abyss of thuds. One look and millions of butterflies rummage around in my stomach. He makes me feel this peaceful happiness that I've NEVER once felt in my life. He makes me embrace the skin I am in furthermore than I've ever embraced it. I do not have to be anyone but myself around him and I can't help but be anyone but me because he so genuinely embraces who he is. I don't have to worry about "dressing up" because the best makeup I can wear around him is my bare skin. I've never once found the need to exaggerate any part of me because he so humbly accepts me for who I am. My endless laughter and happiness is proof that for once in my life I am developing a healthy relationship with another individual. I knew a relationship like this existed and I knew that I would once in my life come across it but I guess deep down I always questioned when. & by relationship I mean friendship. I am glad that this man, before anything else, can be my friend first. Theres something so pure about all of this, just ask the smile that has permanently become a part of me.

'Till the next time dolls!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Spring Break 2012

I've been on Spring break for a whole week today and unlike some of my friends who went to exotic and warm places I opted to spend it in New York City and today as I pack up my things to head on back home I can't help but feel genuinely happy. I spent the most amazing week in this magical city with some of the most amazing people. From the lazy days to the nights out in town. From the picturesque place that is NYU to the hard core streets of the Bronx. From the wonderful light show that is Times Square to the recreation of Dominican Republic in Washington Heights. From McDonalds (which I SHOULDN'T have had!!) to a bustling yet amazing restaurant in downtown NYC named Carmines. So many wonderful things have happened that it is so hard for me to sit here and tell you that I am not sad to go, specially when Empire State of Mind by Alicia Keys is blaring through my iPad speakers! I can't even begin to wrap my head and my heart around the things that transcended, the friendships that became stronger, the relationship that flourished and the attachment that has grown after spending a week here. I will forever be grateful and most of all thankful for it, this shall be a 'see you later' not a 'goodbye'.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Friday, March 9, 2012

Soneto XVII (Sonnet 17)

Currently in my Spanish American Literature of the 20th Century course we are reviewing Pablo Neruda, a chilean poet. I stumbled upon his 100 Sonetos de Amor (100 love sonnets) whom he wrote about his beautiful wife. I love this one the most. It speaks of a love so beautiful. Wouldn't it be just wonderful to love and be loved like this?

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

P.S. This type of love truly exists out there. I can't ever stress that enough. You can one day have this, that I'm sure of.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Before you fall inlove with me.

Before you fall in love with me it may be in your best interest to know who you are falling in love with. You are falling in love with a woman that's been hurt, mistreated, mislead, misguided, played with, yet she stills loves with intensity. You're falling in love with a woman so smart yet dumb enough to love you equally or even with greater intent. You're falling in love with a woman so delicate that a mere sentence can make her cry. A woman so strong she stands up for what she believes in even if she stands alone. A woman so vulnerable she may not let you in all at once. A woman so captivating she'll have you hanging on her every word. A woman that can lead as well as follow. A woman that whatever is hers is yours as well. A woman that can fall a million times but get up a million and one. A woman that would rather have your time than your money, a kiss than a gift, a hug than a card, a picnic than a fancy restaurant. A woman that has come a long way and is willing to go further, no matter the obstacles. A nurturing woman, a strongheaded woman, a fair woman, an artistic woman, a devoted woman. A woman that has a past. A woman that has made mistakes. A woman that loves her family & those friends that have become her family more than anything in this world. A woman who isn't afraid to face you when angry. A woman that understands that everyone's belief system is different. A woman so in love with God she puts him above everyone else, no matter what. A woman that wouldn't lead you astray. A woman that will take your hand in time of need and pray with you. A woman you can build with.

I may not be who you think I am. I may not be who you want me to be either. However, I am me and there is noone in this world that can be me more perfectly than myself.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Saturday, March 3, 2012

To all of those.

This is to all of those whom I love & cherish, all of those whom made a difference in my life. Who have taught me a lesson, who have made me see the world with a slightly different color. Who have held out a hand right before I threw in the towel. Who have helped me hang in there longer. Who have given me advice when I needed it the most. All of those who believe in me & will continue on doing so. All of those who I have laughed endlessly with, who have loved me no matter what I have done. Those who have never judged me & have only been hard on me to make me realize things. All of those who have pushed me a little harder to help me succeed in life. Those who I will always remember no matter where I go in life. All of those who have cried with me, helped me cry, lend a shoulder for me to cry on, who have whispered to me that "everything will be okay in the end; if it's not okay it is not the end". All of those who carry a little piece of my heart with them, this one is for you.

I have realized to never save what you want to say or do for a special ocassion. Why not take an ordinary day & turn it into an extraordinary day?


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Make love to my mind.

"It is easy to take off your clothes and have sex with someone. People do it all the time. But opening your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams; that, my friends, is being naked."

Don't EVER be too quick to take off your clothes for a man or a woman that has never seen your mind naked. & by naked I mean completely bare, vulnerable, small thought to explicit thought. The best sexual experience you can have in your life is with a man or a woman that can make love to your mind before he or she can make love to your body. If you've never had this stimulating experience in your life you don't know what you're missing! I'm never a person to openly talk about sex, of any kind, & anyone who truly knows me can assure you of this but DAMN does it feel good when a man or a woman can make sweet, SWEET love with your inner thoughts. XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Love of my life.

You know what bothers me more than anything in this world? You don't? Well I'll tell you. It's a person that is not self assured. YOU implies ONE person not 3 or 4 or even 2 like many of you think. If you can't be alone with yourself, there's a problem. If you can't be detached and still be happy, there's a problem. If you can't please yourself in every aspect of life, there's a problem. There is nothing more unattractive than a person that's ALWAYS talking about "ohhh I need a boyfriend/girlfriend" what you NEED is a REALITY check. Shut your ass up and look at yourself in the mirror and repeat after me: "I am worthy. I am the love of my life. If I can't love myself no one ever will" OVER & OVER & OVER & OVER & OVER again! Until you can't anymore! Life is so short, so unpredictable & trust me the last thing you want to do is waste it away dreaming about what it could be like.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, February 27, 2012

For most of life...

"For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness."
-Andy Rooney

You know the drill ♥


Monday, February 20, 2012

Believe. Stand Up. Keep Walking.

"I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. "I know what it's like to see something funny and not laugh." I've been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded. But I still believe that all people are good at heart and my trust in people has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever."

You may remember this from the very first post I posted on my blog. Today that is exactly how I feel. There is this ongoing situation in my life that is currently happening and even though I've tried to be as humble as possible about it, I don't really think I can anymore. When I love, I love with passion, with commitment, with desire, with everything that is within me. Isn't that how you are suppose to love? What kills me the most about the entire situation is that no one has asked me how I feel about it. How it has affected me and my point of view. I would say fuck it, but that would be my pride talking and I've tried to refrain from that. But how can you be professional if you're getting weird stares, you're getting whispered behind your back, you're blatantly getting talked about? I know with my whole heart that what I did, which was stand up for my beliefs, wasn't out of my character. & standing up for what I believe in will never be a regret. What will be a regret is the fact that I spent so much time, effort, commitment, money and love on something that reaped nothing but undesirability, unwantedness, anger, stress, unfaithfulness, and many other things. What I'm trying to get to is that besides all of these negative things deep within me I will never forget how much drive, passion, commitment and love I had for this. Ever.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's day 2012.

"At any moment, Love could walk into your life and change it forever." - Mastin K.

It's Valentine's day! The day filled with mushy cards, lots of flowers, chocolate, balloons, BIG gifts, BIG love. If you are attached you rejoice. THEN there are some of you that are single and you go about hating everything and eveyrone on Valentine's day. GET YOURSELF A DAMN HOBBY! I would usually say to those that are single and moping to "love yourself", to "look on the positive side of things", etc etc but not today! Ever since last night the social media websites have been flooded with wonderful Valentine's day messages, for those who are in love and for those who are BITTER about love. All I have to say is that "You will NEVER attract your new love still being bitter about your old love." Get a grip on yourself! XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, February 13, 2012

Even if it kills you.

the only way to realize how unhappy you are
is to leave the things you think you want behind
(even if it kills you)
because if you can't be happy alone
you're not happy.

and there is no greater thrill
than being happy
and alone.
" - Unknown

If you cant complete yourself, no one will ever be able to add to you.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Free your bliss.

"Right now you might not feel the best you've ever felt, you might feel that things will never get better. But don't give up. Tomorrow you might see something wonderful. The thing you're worrying about may be resolved. You might have a good day tomorrow, you may smile. In a few years time the things that are making you feel like this will be forgotten about." - Unknown

I read this and I cried. I made a decision that deep down makes me entirely melancholy but it was for the best. May your days be filled with happiness. XO.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Sunday, February 12, 2012

You can have this.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life." — Bob Marley

There's a kind of love that makes you feel like anything is possible. I want you to know that you can have that.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Letter to a Friend.

I love this, I hope you love it too.

"For the aim of all actions is to avoid pain and fear; and when this is once secured for us the tempest of the soul is entirely quelled, since the living animal no longer needs to wander as though in search of something he lacks, hunting for that by which he can fulfill some need of body and soul. We feel a need of pleasure only when we grieve over its absence; when we stop grieving we are in need of pleasure no longer. Pleasure, then, is the beginning and end of the blessed life. For we recognize it as a good by which is both primary and kindred to us. From pleasure we begin every act of choice and avoidance; and to pleasure we return again, using the feeling as the standard by which to judge every good...” – Epicurus, Letter to a Friend.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Worst kind of remembering.

My integrity was questioned last night. 
My commitment.
My passion.
My time.
My effort.
My money.

I was highly offended.

Sometimes the things we think we are passionate about, during the process of being so passionate about them, we may not see the things that may not make us so passionate about them any more. We may not see the people that make it not so attractive. We don't see the things that are so loudly warning us that maybe, just maybe this is not for you. We so blindly go about things not seeing that there are many things that should be fixed beforehand. This may not kill you but it can hurt you. You  have to carefully choose the things you want to go after because even though these things may not, per say, kill you they may leave wounds. Wounds that leave scars that will remind you everyday of the things you thought were right for you but in reality weren't. That's the worst kind of remembering a human being can endure. The remembrance of an "I told you so..." Now I'm not saying to be an indecisive person for your whole life. I'm not saying sit down with every decision you have to make to carefully overview them. Heck if you want to don't ever overview any of the decisions you want to make! What I am saying is that sometimes there are certain things in our lives that we need more than one opinion on. There are certain things in our lives that we have to talk over more than one time. There are certain things in our lives that we have to consider taking a risk for. I have a decision to go make.. Later dolls! XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Fight or flight.

Sometimes I don't know how to exactly or correctly, per say, express exactly what I feel via my blog. Sometimes I ponder for hours how to write a blog so that I can reach you guys in a way I would like someone to reach me. Sometimes I stare at the blank template for minutes on end. Sometimes I just don't write anything at all until I know exactly what it is that I want to say and how I want to say it.  But here goes everything...

You know that feeling you get when you don't exactly know where you stand with someone? I'm feeling it right now. That feeling where you have one foot in the door and another outside not knowing whether or not you want to enter a room because you don't know if you are an invited or an uninvited guest. That feeling where you don't know how to exactly explain to someone how you feel because you don't want to end up looking like a fool. Then there's that feeling where you want to ask this person if the feeling is mutual but you've concluded in your head that this person doesn't have mutual feelings because they would have said something already and you don't want your feelings to get hurt or you don't want to look desperate. At times you get so close to saying something but you tell yourself you rather not. For various reasons, whether it is that you don't want it ruin the relationship or you're just too scared of the outcome. But this is life and sometimes you have to take a leap of faith to figure out if you know how to fly or if you need to keep learning how to do so. At this point you may be wondering why I'm deviating from where I began (LOL!) but I guess you'll just have to wait and see if I can fly or if I have to keep learning how to do so. 'Till the next time my loves! XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Be open.

Sometimes we get into a relationship and it feels right.
It makes us fantasize about the future, about what it could be.
We start thinking about the long  abiding life we will lead with this certain person.
About how much we love this person.
About how we will live happily ever after with them.  
How this relationship compares to nothing in the world.
& If it were to ever end nothing will ever come close to replacing it.

And then one day it does end and you're devastated.
You're in ruin.
All you've built is gone.
All you've invested is gone.
All you've dreamt about is washed away.
And you're stuck, you have no idea where to go or what to do.
So you continue to live your life as hard as it is.

Then one day someone unexpectedly enters your life and after suffering for such a long time you ask yourself "why not?"
Why not be happy?
Why not allow yourself to feel the way you feel?
Why not welcome someone new into your life?

All I've got to say is that, you never know what's coming to you.
Let your heart be open to new feelings.
Let your mind be open to new ideas.
Let your arms be open to new people.
Let your eyes be open to new sights. 

What's the worse that could happen if the worst has already happened?


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Kiss me.

"It was the kind of kiss I could never tell my friends about out loud. It was the kind of kiss that made me know I was never so happy in my whole life."

I want a kiss like this. Wouldn't it just be beautiful?


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I am a woman of little words, but of many actions.

I know who I am.
I know where I want to head in my life.
I know who I want to be.
I know what I want to do.
I know what type of man I want to marry and how many kids I want to have.
I know where I want to live and how I want to raise a growing family. I know what I dislike.
I know what I enjoy.

Some things people say bother me, with reason.
This is because I know who I am.
Where I want to head.
Who I want to be.
What I want to do.
What type of man I want to marry and how many kids I want to have. Where I want to live and how I want to raise a growing family.
What I dislike.
What I enjoy.

I am socially active in school not because I don't know who I am. Not because I want to become someone.
Not because I feel like it's going to magically turn me into a "person".
Because if that is the case I rather be invisible than someone that I am not.
I am socially active in school because I KNOW who I am and where I want to head and what I want to do with my life.
I am socially active because these things compliment me.
They add life to me.
I am socially active in school because these things feed the hunger that's within me to be a better me.
Are there people who do these things to become someone? Yes, there are plenty.
Are there people who do these things because they don't know who they are? Yes, there are plenty of those too.

I am a woman of little words, but of many actions.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, January 30, 2012

I'll tell you...

Lately there hasn't been a source of inspiration for me. Not even how great my classes are, how blessed I am, how many great things are to happen in my life, how many amazing decisions I've taken lately.. None of that has been a source of inspiration for me to come to my blog and write my heart out. Usually I write about some sort of dillema in my life or a quote that I read or anything else that comes to me. Today I'll write about specifically nothing. I'll tell you how I bought a large caramel macchiato from a coffee shop I've never bought it from and it was truly disgusting but drank it anyways because I spent my hard earned money on it. I'll tell you how today I spent a reasonable amount of money for my textbooks even though I wanted to, instead, go shopping with that money. I'll tell you how I woke up at 7am today to pay my electricity bill to be told that I cant pay it until 8am. I'll tell you how I paid my electricity bill and was charged a late fee because I paid it late. I'll tell you that because of that I instead wanted to yell at the lady and tell her she was being unreasonable for charging a $43 late fee but instead I sighed and told myself it was my fault for paying it late. I'll tell you how I spent about 5 hrs in the library doing my HR work and secretly enjoyed it. I'll tell you how in about an hour I have to go to work and I'll watch episodes of Gossip Girl after I fastly but efficiently speed through my job's to-do list. I'll tell you how I can't keep a certain someone out of my head and that it's amazing yet scary all at the same time. Life is a culmination of little things.. You decide what to do with them. XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, January 16, 2012

The Paradox of Our Time.

So today I was going through some of my old stuff and found this within some papers I had from high school.. I read it & it made me sad because all of it was true.. I'm here to share it with you.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less. We buy more, but enjoy less. We have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgement; more experts, yet more problems; more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, wake up too tired, read too little, watch television too much and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduces our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We have learned how to make a living, but not a life. We have added years to our life, but not life to our years. We have been all the way to the moon, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space, but not inner space. We have done larger things, but not better things. We have cleaned up the air, but polluted our souls. We plan more, but accomplish less. We have learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character. Steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes, but more divorces; fancier houses, but broken homes. These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that can do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can either choose to share this insight or just hit "delete".

Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember to say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person will soon grow up and leave your side. Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you. Remember to say "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones but, most of all, mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands an cherish the moment, for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

With all my love,
Dr. Bob Moorehead

XO dolls.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Start today.

Your life may be in shambles. You may not want to continue to live life for all the reasons that are ruining it at the moment. Your vision may be blurred with all of these obstacles. Your head my be clouded with all of the negative thoughts that it produces, that seems like 1 million per millisecond. Your heart may be dark with no room to feel anything any more. You may feel like your life is a never ending abyss and things are just getting worse as the seconds tick on by. Your significant other may not support your dreams, your family may not approve of some of the things you do, your friends may be blowing you off. Your job may be horrible and your car may not want to start on random days when your running late to work and already have a coffee stain on your brand new shirt. But one day someone tells you something, you see something happen, or you read something somewhere and WA LA! Something triggers in your brain you start seeing all of these wonderful things that are in your life that you have overstepped for some reason. You look up and smile. You throw your hands up in surrender and you whisper to yourself that everything is going to be alright. That eventhough life may get to be a mess at times, rain doesn't last forever. That there are wonderful things in your life and maybe it's time you declutter the not so good things in it. & maybe this is what we all have to do sometimes. Maybe we have to surrender ourselves to our everyday lives because things are uniquely designed to serve our unique purpose in life. These things are for our betterment, & who knows maybe those things were happening to tell you that you deserve better and to never settle for less than what you deserve. XO kids!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

P.S. You only have ONE heart, be true to it!

Friday, January 6, 2012

Hello 2012!

OMGHHKP! I just noticed I did my first post of 2012! How weird is it that we are in 2012 already? Anyways Christmas was christmas, my 4 year old brother was the one opening up all the gifts which was blissful to see :) & NYE I spent it with my best friend her mom and her brother at a cozy restaurant in town dancing the night away. My life didn't magically change from one night to the other and I made no new year resolutions. I just vow to take life as it comes, one day at a time. I am so blessed and I am alive and that's the only thing that matters to me. XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

It takes one person to make a DIFFERENCE!

I saw this.
I read this.
I fell in love.

Relationships don’t work the way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won’t they? And then they finally do, and they’re happy forever. Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven’t. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y’know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don’t let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it’s right, and they’re real lucky, one of them will say something.
— Dr. Cox - Scrubs

xSigned___JNF. ♥