"I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. "I know what it's like to see something funny and not laugh." I've been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded. But I still believe that all people are good at heart and my trust in people has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever."
You may remember this from the very first post I posted on my blog. Today that is exactly how I feel. There is this ongoing situation in my life that is currently happening and even though I've tried to be as humble as possible about it, I don't really think I can anymore. When I love, I love with passion, with commitment, with desire, with everything that is within me. Isn't that how you are suppose to love? What kills me the most about the entire situation is that no one has asked me how I feel about it. How it has affected me and my point of view. I would say fuck it, but that would be my pride talking and I've tried to refrain from that. But how can you be professional if you're getting weird stares, you're getting whispered behind your back, you're blatantly getting talked about? I know with my whole heart that what I did, which was stand up for my beliefs, wasn't out of my character. & standing up for what I believe in will never be a regret. What will be a regret is the fact that I spent so much time, effort, commitment, money and love on something that reaped nothing but undesirability, unwantedness, anger, stress, unfaithfulness, and many other things. What I'm trying to get to is that besides all of these negative things deep within me I will never forget how much drive, passion, commitment and love I had for this. Ever.