Monday, March 26, 2012

Ugly things.

My blog is not only for beautiful things. It is also for ugly things. I had refrained from writing about "ugly" things for such a long time, but I am human. Therefore, sometimes ugly things happen. Sometimes I feel ugly things. However, I know my ugliness, I've seen it so I am allowed to share it with you.

If I were to tell you that right now, at this exact moment in time, while sitting here at work, I am happy; I would be called a liar. Am I content with certain aspects of my life, sure I am. Am I happy at this point in time, not particularly. You know that famous saying that goes "Things happen for a reason"? Well I'm trying to figure out the reasons as to why this weekend so many things happened to me. From upsetting my best friend and having my actions make her act in a way I had never seen to getting into a nasty car accident. Life has it's twists and turns I know that but as a human I can't help but think why me? I am completely exhausted, mentally, emotionally, VERBALLY, physically; every way possible. Anyone may look at me and want my life but it takes more than looking to make such decision.

You may read this and think "well atleast you're alive" & you're absolutely, completely, correctly, perfectly CORRECT! (Sorry had to get my point across!) & I am so THANKFUL for being alive and being able to go about my everyday life. Everyday I am thankful, for just seeing a new day. I know life isn't perfect & I know that many things can happen. Heck, I may not even wake up tomorrow but this is my blog & I am human & I sometimes feel ugly things.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

I am.

I am strong. I've gone through hell and back and kept walking. I know my weaknesses.

I am worthy. It took me a long time to believe that. I've felt my unworthiness.

I am beautiful. & NO ONE needs to convince me of that anymore. I've seen my ugliness.

I am imperfect. I know perfection isn't what it's cracked up to be. I've got scars & I rock them.

I am ME. I thought I was lost & alone, but now I realize that I was always with me.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, March 19, 2012

I believe one thing.

"I believe one thing.
I believe we should always say 'I love you' to the ones we love.

I believe this wholeheartedly, 'till the end of forever.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Saturday, March 17, 2012


I have refrained from writing about this thousands of times, for various reasons but I can't no longer and plus what would my blog be if I didn't? There's this man in my life that is absolutely wonderful. So genuinely wonderful that not ONCE did I ever question the fact that he was so wonderful. This man makes me glow from the inside out so much that I swear I'm going to turn into a lightbulb one of these days *insert blush here*. One touch and my heartbeat jirates into an endless abyss of thuds. One look and millions of butterflies rummage around in my stomach. He makes me feel this peaceful happiness that I've NEVER once felt in my life. He makes me embrace the skin I am in furthermore than I've ever embraced it. I do not have to be anyone but myself around him and I can't help but be anyone but me because he so genuinely embraces who he is. I don't have to worry about "dressing up" because the best makeup I can wear around him is my bare skin. I've never once found the need to exaggerate any part of me because he so humbly accepts me for who I am. My endless laughter and happiness is proof that for once in my life I am developing a healthy relationship with another individual. I knew a relationship like this existed and I knew that I would once in my life come across it but I guess deep down I always questioned when. & by relationship I mean friendship. I am glad that this man, before anything else, can be my friend first. Theres something so pure about all of this, just ask the smile that has permanently become a part of me.

'Till the next time dolls!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Spring Break 2012

I've been on Spring break for a whole week today and unlike some of my friends who went to exotic and warm places I opted to spend it in New York City and today as I pack up my things to head on back home I can't help but feel genuinely happy. I spent the most amazing week in this magical city with some of the most amazing people. From the lazy days to the nights out in town. From the picturesque place that is NYU to the hard core streets of the Bronx. From the wonderful light show that is Times Square to the recreation of Dominican Republic in Washington Heights. From McDonalds (which I SHOULDN'T have had!!) to a bustling yet amazing restaurant in downtown NYC named Carmines. So many wonderful things have happened that it is so hard for me to sit here and tell you that I am not sad to go, specially when Empire State of Mind by Alicia Keys is blaring through my iPad speakers! I can't even begin to wrap my head and my heart around the things that transcended, the friendships that became stronger, the relationship that flourished and the attachment that has grown after spending a week here. I will forever be grateful and most of all thankful for it, this shall be a 'see you later' not a 'goodbye'.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Friday, March 9, 2012

Soneto XVII (Sonnet 17)

Currently in my Spanish American Literature of the 20th Century course we are reviewing Pablo Neruda, a chilean poet. I stumbled upon his 100 Sonetos de Amor (100 love sonnets) whom he wrote about his beautiful wife. I love this one the most. It speaks of a love so beautiful. Wouldn't it be just wonderful to love and be loved like this?

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

P.S. This type of love truly exists out there. I can't ever stress that enough. You can one day have this, that I'm sure of.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Before you fall inlove with me.

Before you fall in love with me it may be in your best interest to know who you are falling in love with. You are falling in love with a woman that's been hurt, mistreated, mislead, misguided, played with, yet she stills loves with intensity. You're falling in love with a woman so smart yet dumb enough to love you equally or even with greater intent. You're falling in love with a woman so delicate that a mere sentence can make her cry. A woman so strong she stands up for what she believes in even if she stands alone. A woman so vulnerable she may not let you in all at once. A woman so captivating she'll have you hanging on her every word. A woman that can lead as well as follow. A woman that whatever is hers is yours as well. A woman that can fall a million times but get up a million and one. A woman that would rather have your time than your money, a kiss than a gift, a hug than a card, a picnic than a fancy restaurant. A woman that has come a long way and is willing to go further, no matter the obstacles. A nurturing woman, a strongheaded woman, a fair woman, an artistic woman, a devoted woman. A woman that has a past. A woman that has made mistakes. A woman that loves her family & those friends that have become her family more than anything in this world. A woman who isn't afraid to face you when angry. A woman that understands that everyone's belief system is different. A woman so in love with God she puts him above everyone else, no matter what. A woman that wouldn't lead you astray. A woman that will take your hand in time of need and pray with you. A woman you can build with.

I may not be who you think I am. I may not be who you want me to be either. However, I am me and there is noone in this world that can be me more perfectly than myself.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Saturday, March 3, 2012

To all of those.

This is to all of those whom I love & cherish, all of those whom made a difference in my life. Who have taught me a lesson, who have made me see the world with a slightly different color. Who have held out a hand right before I threw in the towel. Who have helped me hang in there longer. Who have given me advice when I needed it the most. All of those who believe in me & will continue on doing so. All of those who I have laughed endlessly with, who have loved me no matter what I have done. Those who have never judged me & have only been hard on me to make me realize things. All of those who have pushed me a little harder to help me succeed in life. Those who I will always remember no matter where I go in life. All of those who have cried with me, helped me cry, lend a shoulder for me to cry on, who have whispered to me that "everything will be okay in the end; if it's not okay it is not the end". All of those who carry a little piece of my heart with them, this one is for you.

I have realized to never save what you want to say or do for a special ocassion. Why not take an ordinary day & turn it into an extraordinary day?


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Make love to my mind.

"It is easy to take off your clothes and have sex with someone. People do it all the time. But opening your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams; that, my friends, is being naked."

Don't EVER be too quick to take off your clothes for a man or a woman that has never seen your mind naked. & by naked I mean completely bare, vulnerable, small thought to explicit thought. The best sexual experience you can have in your life is with a man or a woman that can make love to your mind before he or she can make love to your body. If you've never had this stimulating experience in your life you don't know what you're missing! I'm never a person to openly talk about sex, of any kind, & anyone who truly knows me can assure you of this but DAMN does it feel good when a man or a woman can make sweet, SWEET love with your inner thoughts. XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥