Saturday, August 28, 2010

Summer 2010. (2)

SO my summer has come to an end! My dear summer.
The one where so many magical things happened
in. Now I sit here packing my room up to go off
to college for what is going to be a very
interesting semester. Overall I loved this
summer, how it started, ended, and everything
else in between. Farewell, summer 2010 and
HELLOOOOO Fall 2010. :)

Catch me later guys, love you all.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Sunday, August 22, 2010


Last night was an eventful night. Filled with
answered prayers. Filled with forgiveness. Filled
with realness and straight up truth. No matter
how angry I should be at the moment I am not.
I am the most peaceful person on earth at the
moment. I love to the extreme what last night
did to me. It changed me. I was able to forgive
a person that had done so much wrong to me because
there was regret, remorse, and realness on his part.
He freed me completely. I am not broken anymore.
I can sit here and admire my scars. I can touch
them and feel them and smile at them. I can
whisper to myself that it's finally over. That
I don't have to wonder or cry anymore. That it's
okay to stop being bitter and angry and forlorn
and confused. It's okay to sing to the world. It's
okay to boast my happiness. I am so glad I was
able to accept last night like a mature adult.
I just wish everyone would go through what I
am going through at the moment. I would love for
everyone to feel my happiness and my peacefulness.
It was a long road filled with so many things
but I have reached the end to only start a whole
new chapter of my life. I am renewed.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Summer 2010.

It's funny how one summer can change everything. It must be
something about the heat and the smell of chlorine, fresh cut
grass and honeysuckle, asphalt sizzling after late-day thunderstorms,
the steam rising while everything drips around it. Something about
long, lazy days and whirring air conditioners and bright plastic
flip flops from the drugstore thwacking down the street. Something
about fall being so close, another year, another Christmas, another
beginning. So much in one summer, stirring up like the storms that
crest at the end of each day, blowing out all the heat and dirt to
leave everything gasping and cool. Everyone can reach back to one
summer and lay a finger to it, finding that exact point when
everything changed.
-Sarah Dessen, That Summer

When I read this my whole summer flashed through my eyes. All the
good things that happened, all of the bad things that happened.
All of the new people I met and made memories with. All of my old
friends I got to hang out with and made new memories with. All of
the tears I cried. All of the smiles I cracked. All of the restless
nights. All of those shorts and hoodies nights. All of the bathing
suits I wore. All of the beaches and pools I went to. All of the
bbq's I enjoyed. All of the money I spent recklessly. All of the
pictures I took and didn't take. All of the adventures I encountered.
I wouldn't trade this summer for the world! And as it is coming to a
close I would love to thank God for absolutely everything that has
happened this summer. Summer 2010, you'll forever be my favorite
memory. ♥

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

There once lived a prince & a princess.

I've been hurt many a times, my heart is in solace.
It cries independently. It yearns everyday.
I want to love again with all of my might but
I fear that there will never be no one that will
have the strength to love me for me, understand me for me,
take me for me. You see I am jagged, some of my pieces are
missing. Nevertheless I still have faith that one day someone
will understand, not fully but somewhat, my nature. My deep,
loving, nature. Maybe there's a man out there that is as jagged
and as broken as I am in all of the right places fully ready
to put his pieces and my pieces together to make the perfect
imperfect picture.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

My heart talks.

There are so many things that I yearn for...
So many things that I am scared of...
No one will truly understand anyone else's
actions or words...
We say what we want and we do what we feel
needs to be done...
At times we do neither...
I need love...
straight from the heart...
perfectly imperfect...

It's the only thing that is going to save me...

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Dear you.

Dear you,

At first I was angry, very angry and resented. I was confused
and forlorn. I said everything that came to my mind, no matter
how hurtful those things were. I wrote things down, I wrote things
about you, about me, about us. As time went on my anger subsided,
my confusion didn't however. Never did I once tell you that I would
be all that you wanted but you still leaped for me, did the
imaginable for me, loved me. I learned the reason why we tore
eachother apart. I've been learning to cope with it also. But I
can't anymore because I know deep down if things would have been
different me and you would have still been one. And that bothers me,
it bothers me alot. But things weren't different, and we fought a
battle to at the end loose it. I know you win some and then you loose
some but I always wondered why did this specific battle, after 3 yrs.
of an on-going fight, did we have to loose it? I never have loved
someone the way I loved you. Everday day of my life for the past 9
months I have been asking the same questions over and over again,
WHY? Why us? Why me? Why you? What was the point of our love?
What was the lesson? Shouldn't there be something in the midst of
all this pain? Some type of hidden message that I should have known
by now? The only thing I want out of all of this is a second chance
to make things right and if things go left I know then that me and
you weren't made for eachother and that my questions would finally
be answered. I wouldn't have to sit here and ask myself, 'what if?'
every second of everyday. So young and already damaged by love....<|3

Sincerely, xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, August 2, 2010


(By the way these are my religious views!
I'm not trying to force them unto anyone
or offend anyone!)

This reminds me so much of God.
When I read this a couple of minutes
ago everything in me said GOD. I feel
that sometimes we might doubt God or
wonder where God might be in some instances
but let me just tell you all that
God will never leave you stranded or alone.
God will never forsake you nor mistreat you.
And no matter how many times you break his
heart he will never cease loving you.
Just remember to go looking for him everyday
of your life. When you're happy, vulnerable,
lonely, in need of guidance, any need you
may have or any good news you might want to
share go direct yourself to the only best friend
you have that has stood by you ever since the day
you were an embryo. He loves you powerfully,
truthfully, and faithfully; no matter what.

Listen closely and silence the resistance
and doubt of your mind if you want to hear Me
I am the calm beneath the chaos of your mind
And speak only in whispers

Let go and feel with all your heart if you want to touch Me
I cannot feel you
If you are afraid to feel me

See Me in the most unfavorable of circumstances
I do not show myself
Where you already feel comfort

Stop and smell how beautiful life is in every circumstance
My fragrance can only please you
If you are looking for it

Taste Me even when you have nothing to eat
For I alone can sustain you
Through whatever may come

Look off the beaten path to find me
For I do not dwell in the terrain that is already known

I am the subtle behind the obvious
And the peace beyond the chaos
I am the bringer of all things
And the doer of all deeds
I am the wind at your back
And the light of your soul
I am the love that's within you
And the love that's trying to find you

I'll give you all your hearts desire
All you have to do
Is let me in
Be brave and see what happens
I'll be waiting for you to begin

xSigned___JNF. ♥