Friday, May 18, 2012

Dirty fingers.

Days like today make me really wonder the motive
behind some people's actions. They make me wonder
why are there so many miserable people out there that
refuse to let others live their life happily. It is
definitely not my problem that you lead an insignificant
life. & it's definitely not anyone else's problem either.
I truly dislike people like that. So miserable that
they cant stand and see others succeed. They refuse
to let go. That's how I know some people can't sleep
at night. Their dirty conscious doesn't allow them too.
They have to cling and leech off of someone else's emotional
health. Astonishing how a human works.

I can sit here and tell you that I've lied and I've
hurt others but I've also been lied too and hurt. &
those people that have lied to me and that have hurt
me I've never wished upon them any wrong. I am no one
to take revenge upon someone doing me wrong. That's
where God and LIFE come into the picture. I can sit
here and be woman enough and tell you that, yup I've
fucked up, I've probably made more than one person
cry with my actions, I've upset people, I've lied,
I've blantantly disregarded peoples feelings, I've
embellished stories, I've cursed, I've screamed,
I've yelled, I've cried. Yes I have, multiple times.

I can also tell you that I was young.
That I was naive.
That I was trying to be accepted by people who at
the end of the day wouldn't accept me regardless
of the fact. Some people will forever judge you
by your past and that's completely fine.
You let them do that. You also show them that
your past doesn't dictate your future.
I learned to embrace that today. I learned to
also accept it.
However, I'll tell you what I find funny.
The same people pointing fingers and judging
are the ones with the dirtiest past.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The walls have ears too.

I overheard a conversation.
A conversation so intimate not even the walls should have heard it.

Before anything I will start off by saying that the woman I have grown to be, I will always be. I will always be witty and feisty. I will always be a smartass and an asshole at times.
On that note...

I now understand why some women are the way they are.
I now understand why they rather be single & happy, than in a relationship & miserable.
I now understand why some women carry baggage into their new relationship.
I now understand why women fight for other women's rights.
I now understand why some women rather stand as one than as two.

My past has shown me what I do not want in a man or in a relationship.
& though not all men are conniving & cheaters, many of them are.
So I will say one thing, I do not give forty flying hoots that I've been with my husband 40 years, if he cheats he's getting his stepping on.
If you, as a woman, tolerate that once you're telling him that you will forever tolerate it.
Boyfriend, fiance, husband, whatever you want to call him, if he cheats you have him pack his sorry ass bag and show him the door (paper work can be worked out accordingly!).

That's one thing my past has done to me; turn me into a non-bullshitter accepter (is that even a word/phrase?!).
My bullshit acceptance has surpassed its limit & is on overload.
I just refuse to accept it.
You either treat me right or you don't treat me at all.
Those are the rules and will forever remain the rules for as long as I live.

'Till the next time dolls! XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Monday, May 14, 2012

A breathtaking notion.

I am in love with a notion so intricately
and precisely placed in my heart.
I breathe it.
I live it.
I act upon it.

A notion so breathtaking it is like a
hug given so tightly you can barely breath,
yet you wish it would never end.
It is like I have finally found a place into
which I fit perfectly, safely, and securely
with no doubts, fears, sadness, or tears.
This place is filled with happiness and laughter,
yet it is spacious enough to allow me the freedom
to move around, to live my life, and to be myself.
This wonderful place, which I knew existed but never
knew I could actually coexist in, I have found finally
in your arms, in your heart, in your love.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

The right wrong person.

I undeniably fell completely in love with this. Enjoy!

"We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have." - Galway Kinnel

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy mothers day!

It's mother's day today and besides appreciating my mom everyday of my life, today just further exemplifies how truly thankful I am of her. My mother is my confident, my pick-me-upper, my reality check, my guidance, my inspiration, my right when everything is wrong, my beauty guru, my comfort, my rocking chair, my sweet lullaby. She's everything I need and much more than I deserve. I just hope that one day in the future I can be all that she was to me to my very own daughter.

I hope that I can be her motivation, like my mother is to me.
I hope that I can be her reason to succeed, like my mother is to me.
I hope that I can be her conscious to do the right things, like my mother is to me.
I hope she looks up to me, like I look up to my mother.
I hope she can come to me for anything, like I do to my mother.
I hope she can curl up in my lap no matter her age, like I still do with my mother.
I hope I can be the very best mother she needs, like my mother will always be to me.

Happy mothers day to all those beautiful women out there that we call mom, no matter our age!

Momma, loving you is like food to my soul!

xSigned___JNF ♥

Friday, May 11, 2012

Aching heart.

I'm ambitious, stubborn.
When something is stuck in my head I chase it away by chasing after what's invading my thoughts. No matter what it is.
Life hasn't been easy lately but when is life ever easy.
I should be so happy of my many accomplishments so far.
I've come such a long way, such a long long long way.
Unfortunately some sort of empathetic feeling is overwhelming me.
There's some sort of sorrow invading my soul.
I've been trying really hard to rid myself of it.
However, it's always like Jamie to mask her emotions.
But this time is different I've been talking about it and using healthy techniques to shake this.

I can write about anything, whatever.
A color, an animal, a song, a tree, for Christ sake even a wall.
But for some reason everytime I try to write about what's going on with me
I can't, I won't let myself.
I've been asking myself why do I feel the way I do but not even the deepest part of my soul
Is protruding an answer.
Maybe the feeling will leave on its own if I don't pay it much mind or maybe not.
Whatever the case I just hope I am able to deal with the outcome.

xSigned___JNF. ♥