"Don't let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you KNOW doesn't give a damn about you."
The other night I did this. I let my loneliness drive me back into the arms of someone I know (or atleast I think I know) doesn't give a damn about me. Funny thing is loneliness did the same thing for him. Maybe we both do care no matter how much we go around telling people we "just don't give a damn." Closure is something I have never understood. How many times do you get closure until you've satisfied that thirst within you to get closure? What is closure? Is closure when the other person blatantly tells you that he or she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore, forcing you to move on? Is closure when the other person tells you that things will never work out between the both of you? Is closure a kiss? Is it a hug? It is 'closure sex'? Is it a word of comfort? What exactly is closure? When defined it states that it is an act or process of closing something. How long is the act? How long is the process? It doesn't state. Can you go your whole life closing something? Because it seems to me that I've been closing this chapter of my life for the past couple of years but maybe what I need is this one little thing called closure. This one little thing that I have no idea how to go about. Do I write a letter? Send a text? Tell him to meet me somewhere so we can talk, like adults? Deep down what I really want is for him to look me dead in my eyes and tell me, "Jamie, you and I, will never be one." I also know deep down he wouldn't do this (it's a gut feeling! You know what they say about a woman's intuition!). But if he does do that then what? Have I gotten my closure?
Monday, July 18, 2011
Remember that wonderful man I wrote about in previous blogs? Well he's gone. Gone like the wind. I guess this is the way life works. He's not gone because of me and some crazy story you have just made up in your head about how I let my baggage get in the way and blah blah blah. Actually I was doing really well with my baggage. He was helping me unpack it, sort it out, help me realize which I can keep and which I can throw out. Suddenly he helped me repack and told me to hit the road. NOT IN THOSE EXACT WORDS! But in these words, "I really want to be with you BUT I don't have time to do so right now." I was always told that when a man speaks, you listen. I listened very well and I repacked me baggage and hit the road. We're still friends of some sort and like he stated "She was it I swear. But the timing was wayyy off" on his twitter the other day, timing was way off and timing is everything. XOXO.