Sunday, September 8, 2013

Shattered butterfly.

If I would have blogged every single day since the last day I blogged you wouldn't even understand how I survived until today..

From January 1st, 2013 up until today I have lived nothing but the worst days of my life. It all started with what I thought was the perfect opportunity to start my career but ended up being a demeaning job. So I did what any normal person would do.. I quit. Its been 4 months and since then I've been flooded with debt and worries. I know what you're thinking... "Well why the heck haven't you looked for a new job?!" Oh but I have my friend and I have been on countless interviews and there is always someone "a little more experienced" than me. I even took it upon myself to go to a temp agency, where they find you temporary jobs... You see how that has worked for me. Employers trying to pay $11/hr or even worse minimum wage to someone that has a degree isn't flying by me but I guess beggars can't be choosers right?! Every morning I wake up and check my emails in the hope that an employer is trying to offer me an opportunity because that's all I want, an opportunity, yet I get the same damn emails telling me the jobs I have applied for are still hiring. If only you could feel my frustration. I have found my soul in the brink of extinction lately yet here I am still standing. I wake up every morning and look forward to nothing yet I still thank the one above for another day of life. My soul is conflicted and filled with heaviness. I can't say there hasn't been good days because there has. There has been days where my soul is filled with some much hope and happiness but then it's like out of nowhere it remembers my reality. This year has been filled with tears and sorrow yet in the midst of it all I have found, over and over again, my true being. Though I sit in the midst of bills and playing this rat race my faith hasn't faltered. I never lay my head down thinking that this will forever be my reality. I have my boyfriend to partially thank for that... If he weren't by my side life would just be different. If I have to remember 2013 for something it would be for growing. Growing up, growing out, and growing within. So many more things have happened to me this year, including the above, that it is impossible to not grow in various ways.

I will continue to trek this road that has been unfolded before me maybe by my own doing or even on purpose. Maybe it's meant for me to find my purpose in life, my true calling. Maybe it's just to cleanse my soul and life. Maybe even to strengthen me or maybe all of the above. Whatever the purpose I shall keep walking, lost but with some sense of direction.

"A beautiful life does not just happen. It is built daily by prayer, humility, sacrifice and love. May that beautiful life be yours always."

XO friends.

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