I saw you. I had you. You saw me.
You savored me. We spent the night
in utter bliss in eachothers arms
without any hesitation. Then you
disappeared and that was the last
straw for me. I can't bear having
you so close yet so far away from
me. I can't let you keep using me.
I have chosen to not be readily-avaible
for you. I am tired of the same thing
over and over again with you. It is not
my problem that you hide your feelings,
run from them, and are scared of them.
I know what I want. I wanted you. Now I
want myself. I want to love myself. I
want to triumph and succeed for myself.
I wanted to do these things with you but
you pushed me over the edge. & I have
finally reached the bottom. Currently
climbing to the top with my own bare
hands. Skinning my knees on the way.
Blistering my heart. Just knowing that
I am doing this for one specific reason.
MYSELF. I will love one day again. I just
know it won't be you because this is what
I have chosen for myself. I have finally
let go of what was and started to understand
what is. You were right, you don't deserve me.
But I have learned. You have taught me lessons.
You have taught me to be just a bigger fighter.
I commend you for that. I still love you,
ofcourse. Falling out of love is hard but
I fell for something worse. I fell for betrayal
& now that's what I am currently getting over.
Your betrayal. But life goes on. So I guess
I will be completely fine. Scarred but fine.
Cautious but fine. I just know that nothing
in this world goes undone. You reap what you sow.