Love without expecting.

I've never denied being in love. I've never deliberately tried to convince myself to no longer love someone. Yes, I did love a person that consiously or subconsiously didn't love me back with as much passion as I did. Yes I physically, emotionally, and mentally gave myself to him so that instead he gave merely nothing in return. Yes this was the first man I had ever been intimate with. I was young, naïve, and passionately in love. Would I take it all back? Never. Never will I look back at this in regret for God doesn't put you through something you aren't able to handle and learn from. Some ask me why him and I reply why not? Everyone has the right to be loved for who they are no matter what. Everyone has the right to love risking to not be loved at all in return and that was my case. But I loved without expecting and not because I was dumb or young or whatever the case may have been but because that is how one should love; without expectations.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Summer 2011! ♥

So summer has ended and Fall 2011 classes have begun. It's my senior year of college and I'm nervous and ecstatic all at the same time. This summer was filled with so many memories, good and bad. However, I'm entirely glad I experienced it. I spent money too recklessly, I had long nights, I took too little trips, I spent an array of time at the beach, I ate whatever and whenever! I cried, laughed, danced, slept all at the same time (Is that possible?). I worked an amazing job and met amazing people. I spent too little time indoors and too much time outside. Could my summer have been better? YES! But would I trade it for a re-do? HELL NO! Summers are for lessons, for mistakes, for new people andd old people. They are to be lived carefree with one thing in mind, make it a memorable one. As I kissed summer 2011 goodbye yesterday, I welcomed with open arms Fall 2011.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

I LOVE loving myself!

Single.. I've been 'single' for the past 2 years of my life. Not because I can't find anyone to be with, not because I am bitter and angry at my ex, not because I am not attractive and capable of having a long term relationship with someone, not because I want to be but because I can. I am attractive, intelligent, charismatic, and strong; in every sense of the word. Yes I can find someone to be with, but why haven't I? I get asked this question a lot. Why am I single? Why haven't I found someone to put a beautiful ring on my finger? I used to ponder those questions a lot but now I pay them no mind. I am about to be 21 years old in about 2 months and so what that I am single! I am currently in a relationship with myself and that's all that counts. I LOVE loving myself. Something I didn't quite do correctly for the past 4 years of my life. I have one piece of advice.. You only have one heart, be true to it.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Closure.

"Don't let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you KNOW doesn't give a damn about you."

The other night I did this. I let my loneliness drive me back into the arms of someone I know (or atleast I think I know) doesn't give a damn about me. Funny thing is loneliness did the same thing for him. Maybe we both do care no matter how much we go around telling people we "just don't give a damn." Closure is something I have never understood. How many times do you get closure until you've satisfied that thirst within you to get closure? What is closure? Is closure when the other person blatantly tells you that he or she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore, forcing you to move on? Is closure when the other person tells you that things will never work out between the both of you? Is closure a kiss? Is it a hug? It is 'closure sex'? Is it a word of comfort? What exactly is closure? When defined it states that it is an act or process of closing something. How long is the act? How long is the process? It doesn't state. Can you go your whole life closing something? Because it seems to me that I've been closing this chapter of my life for the past couple of years but maybe what I need is this one little thing called closure. This one little thing that I have no idea how to go about. Do I write a letter? Send a text? Tell him to meet me somewhere so we can talk, like adults? Deep down what I really want is for him to look me dead in my eyes and tell me, "Jamie, you and I, will never be one." I also know deep down he wouldn't do this (it's a gut feeling! You know what they say about a woman's intuition!). But if he does do that then what? Have I gotten my closure?

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Timing is everything.

Remember that wonderful man I wrote about in previous blogs? Well he's gone. Gone like the wind. I guess this is the way life works. He's not gone because of me and some crazy story you have just made up in your head about how I let my baggage get in the way and blah blah blah. Actually I was doing really well with my baggage. He was helping me unpack it, sort it out, help me realize which I can keep and which I can throw out. Suddenly he helped me repack and told me to hit the road. NOT IN THOSE EXACT WORDS! But in these words, "I really want to be with you BUT I don't have time to do so right now." I was always told that when a man speaks, you listen. I listened very well and I repacked me baggage and hit the road. We're still friends of some sort and like he stated "She was it I swear. But the timing was wayyy off" on his twitter the other day, timing was way off and timing is everything. XOXO.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

I love me MORE.

Life has been blissful lately :) I just finished my first summer course and just got off a 3 day weekend! Today I went back to work but I'm definitely looking forward to this weekend! I get to spend 4 days at the beach, YAYYY :D be happy for me ;) Well I hope you guys have been doing well. XO.


No, I refuse to let you come into my life once more and shake it up. I rather miss you from afar because for four months I was perfectly fine without you. Yes I thought about you and wanted to see you BUT I was fine, I was happy; I was going on with life. Now you pull one of your "let me appear for a couple of days and disappear for months" stunt; I refuse to play along with this. My feelings are always the ones that end up getting hurt and you might not care about them but I DO! Once and for all someone has got to put a stop to this never ending cycle. I love you, but I love me more.


xSigned___JNF. ♥

Old memories.

Hello dolls! I know I know, I've been gone for too long! *Waves hand in air and sips coffee*

Anyways yea yea blah blah many things have been happening in my life curretnly, you guys know the drill. Let's get to the good stuff :D
Two things happened today 1. An array of thoughts seeped into my head and 2. I watched the last episode of season 5 of Keeping up with the Kardashians. (These things go hand in hand!) Today a person seeped into my head and an array of memories along with this person did also. My ex boyfriend's mother seeped into my head. This woman was so wonderful to me. I owe her so much and I wish I had the time to repay her for all she has done for me. I feel like that's a hard part of breaking off a relationship. It's hard to also leave behind the people who were so wonderful to you and had nothing to do with your failing relationship. You invested so much time and emotion into them. Atleast I know I did. Whether or not they would like you. Whether or not you would get along. Whether or not they would accept you. And when finally all of the above is grounded you've got to move on and leave them behind. How do you explain to them that there are boundaries all of a sudden. How do you explain to them that you can no longer pop up at their house and visit. Or call them or text them? How do you explain this? Why do they have to pay for YOUR failing relationship? I've been wondering this for 2 years. Today while watching the last episode of KUWTK, Kim and Khloe got into a huge argument over Khloe having pictures of Kim's ex boyfriend around the house. Khole explained that she had invested so much emotion in Kim's ex boyfriends that it was hard to just move on the way Kim did and leave them behind. I totally agreed and saw myself in the same predicament. There have been times where I just wanted to drive over to my ex boyfriend's mother's house and spend a good afternoon in her company like I had always done but I refrained from it because times are different now. Things have changed. Though it seems unfair I guess it's part of the moving on process. XOXO loves!


xSigned___JNF. ♥