Once a lover, now a COMPLETE stranger.

I know I know! "JAMIE WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!"
I've been everywhere!
School started and yeaaaa you know the rest...
I have no excuses only valid reasons ;-)


You might be able to tell what I'm going to blog about by the title of my blog post...

Walking amongst people on campus and I see familiar faces and not so familiar faces.
I acknowledge some, disregard others.
Then there's you.
The person who was once the object of all my blogposts.
The person who was intertwined in between every sentence, every word, every letter, every emotion.
Now there's you.
The you I pass on campus and don't acknowledge.
The you I seldom remember your name.
The you I don't know.
The you that gets blurred in between a group of people.
The you, that on those rare ocassions I do look at, gets unfiltered in my mind.
Single handedly you tried to destroy me but you didn't succeed.
What you did succeed on was on permanently excluding yourself from my thoughts.

I once thought that for some crazy reason I would never get over the guy up there.
You all remember him, every one of my blogposts was about him.
But now I see him on campus and he's like a stranger.
A person I've never met.
It's like inception.
The people you see once in your whole entire life and you never see them again but that night you end up having a dream about them and you wonder where the hell have you seen them.
That's him to me.
A fig of my imagination.
It's like he was a person I saw once and somehow had a dream about him.
Our whole "relationship" a dream, then I woke up and now I see him and wonder "where the hell have I seen him?!"
Someone, once, mentioned him to me and I kid you not I couldn't remember who he was.
The person thought I was joking but I really wasn't.
It didn't bother me that I had forgotten his name but I guess someone felt otherwise.
You may be reading this and think that I'm crazy (not that I care less if you think I am!) & trust me I thought about this before blogging about it but this is my blog and I blog about what I want. (I promise I'm not crazy!)

XOXO!

J.F.

"Oh I just need more."

Love.
A good job.
A good life.
Good friends.
A good family.
A strong faith.

Let's say you have all of this and so much more.
Or let's say you don't have it but let's pretend you do.

I've noticed something.
I've noticed that, we as humans, when we get comfortable we want more.

A good paying job, "oh I need a better paying job."
A good significant other, "oh there's just something missing."
A good EVERYTHING, "oh I just need more."

I'm not saying that you should settle for less and nor am I saying that life is perfect but sometimes, just sometimes, we should take some time to appreciate the good things in life AS THEY COME.
What's with the rushing around?
What's with the heavy sighing?
What's with the "needing" more? (side note: there's only one person in this world that knows what we need, therefore this "needing" turns into WANTING!!)

More money.
A faster car.
A bigger house.
A better job.

We want it all in one day without realizing that one day we might have it all or, maybe just maybe, it may all be taken away from us because just as fast as it came it can go away.

Love & summer kisses!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Theres nothing like a GOOD man.

For such a long time I wrote about all the love gone wrong in my life.
Even in the midst of wrong love I knew that one day beautiful love was going to barge into my life, sweep me off my feet, send me hurtling towards the stars, and keep me locked in its formidable embrace for the rest of forever. Yes, I'm that big of a hopeless romantic!

I very much appreciate the man I have by my side. This isn't about boasting, it's about recognizing that good men do exist. It's about being thankful for all the bad love I encountered because my man is unlike any other love I've ever had.
I thank God for him, for this beautiful love, yet I always believe I never thank him enough.
He always ceases to amaze me by loving and respecting me the way he does.
This man elevates me in every sense of the word.
I can't wait to spend the rest of forever with him.
I love you baby! (he reads my blog!!)

xSigned___JNF. ♥

I write.

I write because writing doesn't judge me.
I write because writing waits on me hand and foot.
I write because writing listens intently to what I have to say.
I write because writing reads between the lines.
I write because writing knows what I have to say before I even say it.
I write because it's the only right of passage I have.
I write because my fingers can process my thoughts better than I can.
I write because writing so eloquently establishes what I feel.
I write because if I held it in I would probably go insane.
I write because it heals me.
I write because it soothes me.
I write because it calms me.

Writing wraps me up in such a formidable embrace, one I can't fathom to let go of.
It makes me feel safe, guarded, trusted, HEARD.

xSigned___JNF. ♥

What do you mean "you don't know" ?!

Excuse my hiatus! Life wrapped me up & wouldn't let me go :)
Anyways on to my post!!


You: "Why do you love me?"
Him/Her: "I just can't explain why..."

Or something of that sort..
This is complete & total bullshit & I just realized it right at this instant.
If the person you're with can't tell or explain to you why they love you, simply put, the don't love you or share mutual feelings.
I'll tell you why I feel this way.

When you ask a professional why they love what they do, they tell you.
When you ask a child why they love a certain game, they tell you.
When you ask your mom why she loves a certain dish your grandmother makes, she'll tell you.
If you ask your dad why he loves sports so much, he'll tell you.
If I ask you why your best friend is your best friend, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to tell me.
Trust me I can go on and on and on and on and on and on about this.

In my past relationships every time I was asked this question I had the same answer: "I don't know why I love you *insert cliche quote here*" hence why none of them worked out because that's exactly what was going on. I DID NOT have a clue about why I loved the person I was with.

Today, at this very moment, if you ask me why I love my boyfriend I can give you millions of reasons why I love him without hesitation. Don't ever be deceived by this question! If someone asks you this question & you don't have an answer other than the above or the other way around, some evaluating needs to happen.

'Till the next time dolls! XO!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Flaws and all.

"I want you
with all the cracks
And all the stories
You have collected
And I want to hear
Them all
And kiss you
Just the way I
Kissed you before I
Heard them when you
Were pure in my eyes.

But what's purity anyways?
Some bullshit concept to keep
The guilt alive.
You are not your past
You are the woman
Who climbed those walls
And jumped over them
To where we met
We met on the other side."

I pondered upon this quote yesterday & I keep re-reading it over and over and over again. For some reason it reminded me of something, someone and up until right now I've figured it out. I figured it was me.
There's a background voice, my boyfriends voice. The man who so beautifully loves my flaws, my BIG flaws patiently. Sometimes I think about it and I shudder to think that maybe one day my flaws will drive us apart, its scary.
God sends us these magnificent people and we thank Him but at the same time wonder what have done to deserve such wonderful people. I have some great people in my life and Lord knows that sometimes I have to laugh at myself because I truly don't know how they keep up with me because I can barely keep up with myself at times.

Anyways the point of this blog was the quote but you know me I blab away regardless!
Till the next time dolls!

xSigned___JNF. ♥

Friend or foe.

The most treasured people in this world are the people you love the most but there's something dark about them.
There is this unknown force within them that keeps you by their side. 
Trust me I know.
See, the saying "the people you love the most are the ones that hurt you the most " is absolutely true and I came to that full conclusion last week.

I love the people I love powerfully, sometimes darkly; if you know what I mean.
I can't deny this.
The past couple of weeks I dealt with a loved one that truly tested my love for her in every aspect of the word.
I wanted to push her in front of a bus but I knew 1 second before the bus hit her I would be risking my life to save her.
I wanted to throw her off a building but I knew 1 second before she hit the ground I would be there to catch her.
I wanted to get a hold of her and yell and scream for what she had done to my feelings the last couple of weeks but I knew 1 second after I would have hung up from anger I would have called her back and apologized.

The thing about relationships that Mastin (I'll tell you about him later!) has taught me is that if you don't give people the space to have a meltdown then that relationship isn't really a safe one to be in. It truly isn't realistic to always expect someone to be perfect, though don't get me wrong I wasn't expecting her to be perfect. I was expecting her to be human and at least give me some insight into what she was feeling. Yet again that's what we as humans do we hurt the ones we love the most. We close down when we need someone most. Instead of speaking we keep quiet. Instead of asking for help we make our problems more of a mess.

Last week after 2 full weeks of trying to reach her, trying to console her, trying to see if she needed my help with anything and getting nothing in return she finally managed to get a hold of me and apologize. I'm glad Mastin was able to reach me first and give me a daily download.

Are you safe enough in your relationships to have a melt-down?


xSigned___JNF.   ♥