Thursday, July 1, 2010

Emotional rollercoaster.

My emotions have been eveywhere nowadays.
One moment I know exactly what I want the
next I don't have a clue of where I'm headed.
I know God has lots of plans for me I know
that I should be patient. But what happens
when you feel like you've been patient
enough? Yes I know it sounds extremely greedy.
But that's exactly how I feel. I feel like
I've been patient enough. For 7 months I have
been mourning a love lost & I want to stop
mourning it. I want things to be right already.
I want to be able to get into a relationship
with no strings attached. Currently I'm in one
but I already see signs of a failed relationship.
So why am I in it you may ask? Because I get closure
from him. I get warmth, attention, love. But that's all
nothing else. I get no intimacy. (& by intimacy I mean
sweet kisses, long hugs, walks in the park or along a
beach while holding hands, no cuddle time) & that's because
I don't let him get close to me, I don't want him to get close
to me. I have this bubble around me that prohibits him from
getting too close. He's nice, really nice (& good looking)
but that's all there's too this. A nice face I can look at
whenever I feel like this world is defeating me. I'm really
fucked up & I'm tired of being fucked up...

xSigned___JNF. ♥

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